


Who are we, really?

by BanyanIndigo



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Dom/sub, Established Relationship, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Praise Kink, Slow Burn, Sub Ethan Nestor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:54:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27483826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BanyanIndigo/pseuds/BanyanIndigo
Summary: Ethan finds his life changed in more ways than one, in starting a new channel with Mark and ending his relationship with Mika. Will these new changes give light to hidden feelings? Or will Ethans life fall apart?
Relationships: Amy Nelson/Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson/Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor, Mika Midgett/Ethan Nestor
Comments: 125
Kudos: 334





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I DO NOT OWN THESE PEOPLE AND ITS NOT OK TO SHIP REAL PEOPLE IN ANY KIND OF WAY THAT THEY WOULD EVER SEE
> 
> My goal is NOT AT ALL to insinuate that any of this is real, and if anyone mentioned in this FICTIONAL story finds it I WILL DELETE IT. 
> 
> I hope everyone reading enjoys, feedback is appreciated! this is my first work on here :)

They had been throwing the idea around for a while, and it was super exciting, but once Unus Annus actually started Ethan realized how much harder this was gonna get. Their very first video took them to a sex shop, just the two of them, and wandering the lewd aisles with Mark conjured images of blindfolds and handcuffs and tanned, muscular arms. 

Shit. 

They got back to Mark’s house to film, setting up cameras and lighting, cueing Amy and Evan in on the flow of the video they had in mind. 

It started well, a couple high pitched giggles slipping out, but Ethan thought he was doing well for being a bit of a kinky bitch behind the scenes. He smacked Mark’s ass lightly with the spiked paddle, getting no particularly revealing reaction, and it wasn’t until a couple minutes later that he realized he was looking for one. 

They kept cooking, and a few innuendos later, Ethan was leaning up against the counter when Mark grabbed the paddle and brought it down hard against Ethans ass. 

And Ethan moaned. 

Just a little one really, and he tried to play it off as a playful yelp, but Mark’s eyes already narrowed in amusement, setting the paddle back on the counter. 

“Well, someone enjoyed that.” 

Ethan blushed, trying to figure out how to play that off in a less suspicious way, when Mark burst out laughing and called to cut that bit out. 

Talk about revealing reactions. 

A tiny bit later, Ethans breath hitched, Mark’s hands lingering in Ethans hair to fix the cat ears, brushing the sensitive spot behind his ear. He could feel the blush creeping up his neck as Mark held his face for a moment before declaring him presentable. 

This was gonna be a long ass year. 

That night, Ethan unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it to laundry, deciding to shower after smelling his own armpits. The water was warm, soothing sore muscles leftover from his workout that morning. He lathered his shampoo on, imagining that the hands tangling in his hair were not his own, but Mark’s, strong, large hands, gently working out the knots and scratching lightly over his scalp. 

Maybe Mark would move lower, massaging his shoulders and running his calloused hands down Ethans sides, gripping his hips. Ethan imagined Mark pressing their bodies together, hands wrapping around to Ethans front, gliding over his flat stomach and chest. 

He was getting dangerously close to masturbating to thoughts of his friend showering with him, and upon hearing Mika’s heavy boots pass the door, he finished cleaning up. Why he wasn’t thinking of his kinky, sexy, actual, girlfriend? He toweled his hair off and walked to his room, kissing Mika and going to the closet to dress.   
“How was your day babe?” He asked, still facing away from her into the closet. 

She walked over and draped her arms over his bare shoulders. 

“Exhausting and lonely. Why don’t we talk about it later?”

She kissed up his neck, moving her hand to the front of the towel around his waist. Ethan leaned his head to allow her better leverage, moaning lightly as she touched him. 

“You down?” 

He kissed her again, whispering to her that he was, in fact, very down. 

Her gentle hands grew a bit rougher, yanking the towel off and spinning Ethan around. He deepened the kiss, pushing the hem of her shirt up before she grabbed his wrists and pulled back. 

“So Ethan.” 

He tried to look as innocent as possible, actually unsure of why she had her “Upset Domme” face on. 

“Guess what I found in your bag.” 

She released his arms and turned to pull the spiked paddle out from under the covers, holding it at Ethans eye level. 

Shit, Mark must have snuck it into his bag. 

“It was from a video we did today and Mark must’ve” 

She grabbed his arm again and yanked him off balance slightly, holding a finger up to his lips. 

“I didn’t ask you anything. But I did get a text from Amy.” She sat on the bed, still fully dressed, pulling Ethan in front of her. “She said you seemed to like this particular paddle.”

Logically, Ethan knew that Amy must’ve been joking, but the thought of her conspiring with Mika sent blood rushing south. 

“Shall we find out?”

He nodded and let himself be draped over her lap. She spent a few moments arranging them to be comfortable, and a few more moments just running her hands over his lower back, ass, and thighs. Her touches were so sweet and gentle, and he let his mind start drifting into that hazy place he went when they did this. Thank god Kathryn was visiting family, he could be as loud as he wanted. 

The placing of the paddle against his ass was the only warning he got before she swung it down, hard on his left cheek. He was debating on counting aloud, but she hadn’t told him to, and as the second hit landed on the same cheek, he took it as a sign to just focus.  
He remembered giving his color (green) at some point, but he lost count after 30 hits, some alternating cheeks, one or two landing one his upper thigh, most fairly hard. His brain had turned to mush, barely hearing the slapping noises or his own moans slipping from between his swollen lips. 

Finally, the hits had slowed, and Mika had started gently rubbing over the reddened skin between light smacks. He realized he’d started crying, when she stood him back up again and wiped his cheeks with her sleeve. 

“Color?” 

His head was swimming, ass on fire, tongue wetting his lips. He couldn’t process her question quickly, she gave him a look, repeating the question. 

“Um, Yellow.”

She had him lay face down on the bed, rubbing aloe lotion over his burning skin. “You’re so good, being so good for me, my good boy.” She muttered more words of encouragement as he flipped over, only stopping to kiss him and nibble his earlobe, licking and sucking down his neck. 

He moaned and whined, hands tangling in her hair as she took him into her mouth, already so close, and if, for a fleeting moment, he thought of Mark as he came down his wonderful girlfriends throat, he wouldn’t remember by the next day. He watched Mika finished herself off to the sight of him laying there, fucked out senseless, drifting to sleep as she wiped his face down with a warm towel and climbed under the covers with him.


	2. Chapter 2

When Mark and Amy showed up the next day with what appeared to be hundreds of hot dogs, Ethan knew the day was going to be fun. They filmed for about an hour, wearing trash bag shirts and getting very close to vomiting. 

They decided to pack up and do some editing with Luís over FaceTime. Ethan perched on Mark’s spare gaming chair, pulling his sweatshirt up over his nose and starting in on finishing up the editing on one of his backlogged videos. 

Amy sat on her laptop on the couch, giggling every once in a while, and Mark, at the other end of his desk, was insistent she tell him what was so funny. 

“Amy you gotta tell me what’s so funny!” 

His begging tone only served to make her laugh harder, her beautiful brown eyes crinkling at the corners. Still she refused to tell him, snapping her laptop shut when he ventured over to her to look. 

“No its nothing! You guys are just hilarious, don’t you want people to laugh when they watch your content?” 

He relented, and they all returned to editing. Mark sighed a few minutes later and stretched, and as he left the room for the bathroom Amy got up and shoved her laptop in Ethans face, giggling again. 

“You want me to keep this in buddy?” 

The screen was playing a loop, Mark spanking Ethan, and the resulting sound that came out of his mouth. Immediately he blushed, not only embarrassed by the clip but also recalling the spanking he got later. 

“Uh probably not, I think I went a little overboard with my reaction.”

He was trying to sound casual, but his nervous laughter gave him away. Amy leaned her head down to rest on his shoulder. 

“Yeah, you definitely reacted.” 

She laughed again and moved back to the couch, leaving Ethan’s heart pounding. His cock twitched slightly at the thought of last night’s activities. He tried to focus again on editing, but the thought of Mark spanking him as Mika had last night kept his mind very occupied. Then, in a stroke of fantasy genius, he imagined Mark spanking him, and Amy watching, her eyes sweeping over the scene, Marks strong presence surrounding him, the two of them completely undoing him. 

His pants grew tighter, the room felt way warmer than before, and he was quickly realizing that standing up would be incriminating. He tried to think about VERY unsexy things, sad puppies, dead grandparents, and head lice, and while it did wonders to stop his fantasizing, standing up still wasn’t going to be an option for a while. 

Mark reentered the room, announcing his hunger and subsequently his desire to order food. Amy gave her recommendation, and after some incredible concentration, Ethan told Mark what he wanted from the restaurant. 

Amy left the room soon after Mark, and Ethan stayed as long as he reasonably could, finally feeling his heart calm and his face cool down. Damn, he’s got to do something about this, it didn’t seem right to him to be fantasizing about his friends like that, especially not when they’re in the room. It wasn’t his fault that his kinks were occasionally hit on while filming, but he definitely DIDN’T have to dwell on it, because he DEFINITELY DIDN’T have a crush on Mark and maybe Amy too. 

During dinner his attention was successfully diverted by Marks bantering, his own comments, and Amy’s suggestions for future videos, and by the time he was driving home his thoughts were consumed only by seeing Mika and getting some sleep. 

Spencer rushed him when he got home, and Mika, having just gotten there herself, agreed to join them for a walk. 

“Hey Ethan.”

He paused to look at her, letting Spencer investigate a bush as he looked up at Mika. 

“Yeah what’s up?”

She took a deep breath, shoving her hands in her jacket pocket and watching her breath puff lightly into the air, it was finally cold in California. 

“I don’t know, I just,” She sighed, two pairs of hazel eyes meeting. “I want to know where we’re going with this. I really care about you, I just,” She squeezed her eyes shut, slowly opening them open a second later. “I want to know how serious both of us are about this relationship.” 

He blinked slow, eyebrows knitting together, creating harrowed lines carved into his forehead. Spencer pulled to go forward, and Ethan continued their walk, at a much slower pace, attempting to gather his thoughts. 

“Are you, breaking up with me?”

The silence continued for another few moments. 

“No. I just want to know where you stand. And where I stand.”

“Ok.” 

They kept walking, Mika trailing a bit behind. 

“So, where do you stand?”

He spun around to face her, eyes watering and red. 

“I don’t know, Mika!” He threw his hands up and shook his head. “I didn’t think anything was wrong, and now you’re telling me you don’t know “where we stand.”” He gestured air quotes around the words, chest heaving with his outburst. His eyes stung and his throat burned, and it almost, almost made him happy to see Mika shed a tear of her own, even though he didn’t want it to. 

“Nothing’s wrong, and I’m not breaking up with you.” She looked absolutely miserable, eyeliner smudging as she rubbed her eyes. “I’m just trying to have an honest conversation with you.”

Shit. 

That definitely took any horrible joy he might have had away, and replaced his stomach with a vile pit of guilt. 

“I’m sorry, I just, I wanted to,” He shook his head in frustration. “You just caught me off guard, that’s all. Of course I want us to be honest with each other.” 

She took his hands and smiled sadly at him, pointing out Spencers eagerness to continue their walk. They somehow made it all the way back to the house in somewhat comfortable silence, hand in hand. 

Ethan sat back up against the head board, Spencer curled up between his crossed legs, scratching lightly at the puppies head. Mika sat at the foot of the bed, scrolling on her phone for a few minutes before turning to look at Ethan, who had been staring at her for several minutes. 

“Can we talk now?” He asked, not because he really wanted to talk about it, but because he couldn’t bear to put it off. 

She turned and leaned towards him on the bed, resting her chin on her hands. 

“If you want.”

“Ok. You start though.”

She thought for a few moments, sitting up and tying her hair back. 

“I want you to be happy. And I want to be happy too. I think we ARE happy together, but I’m not certain we’re the HAPPIEST we can be.” 

He nodded slightly to get her to go on. 

“I care about you, a lot, but sometimes I think you and I are just going through the motions.”

He nodded again, this time in agreement. 

“And I don’t think that either of us want to live like that. Am I wrong?”

He waited, not wanted to stumble over his words or express himself wrong. 

“I don’t want to live like that. I honestly didn’t think that’s what was happening. Can you,” He cleared his throat. “Can you explain what’s making you feel that way?”

She almost seemed annoyed for a second, but it soon melted into concern. 

“We barely ever see each other, and when we do we don’t have real conversations. We both spend most of our time working. And neither of us prioritize our relationship, I can’t tell you how many times one of us has canceled date nights in the past month, I would say we canceled more often than we actually went.” She took a deep breath, watching his face contort into various pained expressions. 

“You’re right.” He sounded tired and sad, recognizing the truth in her statements. He certainly had canceled to spend more time filming with Mark before, and it struck him that his recent attraction to Mark (and even Amy) could have been driving a wedge between himself and Mika. 

“What are you thinking Eth?”

He didn’t know, but his traitorous thoughts told him he should tell her about how he felt, about Mark, about Amy, how he’d caught himself fantasizing about them. But wouldn’t that be mean? To tell his unhappy girlfriend that part of the reason she might be unhappy is because he’d been allowing himself to crush on his friends. 

“I, I see where you’re coming from.” He took a shaky breath before continuing. “I’ve been, finding myself feeling, feelings, for other people I know.” Her face screwed up. “Not that I’d act on them! I’ve just felt some stuff, lately, that makes me think we have been drifting apart.” 

She looked pretty upset by that revelation, Ethan couldn’t help but feel like he’d fucked up, like, her concerns were valid, and not just about her happiness but about his too, and even when she brought up issues it was stuff BOTH of them had been doing. But he had to come in and say that he’s attracted to other people and basically he feels like the worst, most disgusting person in the world. 

“Wow ok. Guess you really went for honesty there, huh.”  
He cringed as she got up and went to the restroom, letting Spencer off his lap, drawing his knees up to his face. His phone buzzed on the nightstand, he let it finish ringing before looking at who called, seeing Mark’s name up at the top. Shit, he definitely didn’t want to talk to him right now, but as he was staring at the lock screen the phone lit up again, another incoming call from Mark. 

He groaned in frustration and picked up. 

“Hey man what do you need?” He tried to make his voice sound as clear as possible, but the thickness in his throat from holding back tears for so long made his voice warble embarrassingly. 

“Woah ok, uh, I didn’t mean to bother you but I just walked into my office and found your wallet in the chair.”

“Oh man thanks for telling me, I can come by and grab it in the morning.”

“Uh, Ethan, I’m gonna drop it off for you, I don’t think you should drive without your license.”

“Fuck, you’re right, I drove home without it.” 

“It’s all fine, I’ll be there in a few to drop it off.”

“You’re coming now?”

“Yeah I have to pick up something from the Walmart by your house. Is that cool?”

There was a quiet knock at the door, and Ethan asked Mark to hold on for a second. 

Mika poked her head in to tell him she was gonna go back to her place for the night, she kissed his forehead and left, promising him they’d talk tomorrow. 

Ethan sniffled for a second before returning to the phone call. “Yeah that’s fine. Text me when you get here.”

“Ok man, twenty minutes.”

Mark hung up, but there was more than a hint of concern in his voice. One thing Ethan noticed soon after getting to know him was his uncanny ability to read other peoples emotions. Ethan wasn’t bad at it necessarily, but there were times he couldn’t quite grasp what someone was really feeling. Mark, on the other hand, always seemed to look directly at his soul. 

He felt kinda like shit, for feeling FEELINGS for Mark, for driving Mika away, for not being more attentive and more considerate and more loving and just, MORE. He knew that Mika didn’t just break up with him, but he felt like a bad child who’s parent walked out after a fight and left him to deal with feeling like shit. 

He went to the bathroom, arguing against curling up in bed with his own self pity, washing his face and fixing his hair before receiving the text that Mark had arrived. One last glance at his reflection on his way out told him he looked decent, but no doubt Mark would know he was upset. 

Ethan opened the front door, letting Mark in, who was carrying his wallet in one hand and a Walmart bag in the other. 

“Whatcha got there?”

Mark set it down on the counter, tossing Ethan the wallet. 

“You and I are gonna have a chat.” He pulled out a beer from the bag and handed it to Ethan. 

Well that wasn’t what he expected. And, frankly, it didn’t sound good.


	3. Chapter 3

Ethan took the beer and followed Mark to the couch. The older man sat up against one side, so they were facing each other. Ethan didn’t want to break the silence, didn’t want to have another difficult conversation today, certainly didn’t want to reveal what he and Mika had been talking about, so he just rested back against the couch arm and drank his beer, avoiding Marks gaze. 

Finally, Mark sighed. “You sounded really upset on the phone. You wanna tell me why?” 

Fuck no, he didn’t want to tell Mark that he and Mika had a fight and she might break up with him because he may, OR MAY NOT, have a crush on dynamic duo Mark and Amy. Thats not something you just TELL your friend. Certainly not the very friend you’re crushing on. So he sipped his drink and decided to tell him a half truth. That had to be better than nothing, right?

“Mika and I had a fight. Nothing big I guess, just caught me off guard.” He ran his hands through his hair, tugging at a knot. 

Mark nodded slowly. “I figured it was something like that. You want to talk about it?” 

No, I don’t, Ethan thought, but even still he appreciated the mans interest and willingness to listen. So he talked slow, relating bits and pieces of an already short story. He ended with how Mika had gone to the bathroom right before Marks call. 

“So when you paused our conversation?”

“She came back in to let me know she was leaving and we could talk later. I don’t know, maybe I’m just making a really big deal out of this, you know? I’ve never really been good at this part of being in a relationship.”

“They’re called awkward conversations for a reason Eth, no ones good at them.”

“But you think those kinds of conversations need to be had right? Like, that’s normal, and good, right?”

Mark sighed, leaning forward to rest his head on his hand. 

“It depends. Honesty is important, and talking about issues is too but,” He trailed off for a moment, adjusting his hair. He made a guttural noise of irritation. “I don’t know, never mind.”

Ethans face scrunched up, brow furrowing in annoyance. “No you can’t just say never mind, I want to know what you think Mark, I trust your opinion.” 

Mark sighed again, eyes meeting Ethans, boring a hole through his skull. 

“I guess I mean, well, for example, before you bring up a conversation like that, you might try working on the issues. You mentioned she said that she didn’t think EITHER of you were prioritizing your relationship right?”

Ethan nodded, still unsure of where Mark was going with this. 

“Right, so, before I would start that kind of conversation, I would try to put more effort in. I would, try to make changes internally I guess? I don’t know. Or, if I did want to talk about it I would have suggestions in mind so that we could work on stuff together, you know? But I'm not Mika, I can’t know why she did something different than I would have, I just,” He ran a hand down his face, “Something about how she went about that was weird to me, that’s all man.”

Ethan wanted to point out that Mark had only heard his perspective on their conversation, but, on further thought, it didn’t sound like Mika WANTED them to work on stuff. Then again, their conversation had been cut short. 

“Yeah, maybe a little.” He said finally, finishing the beer. 

Mark gave him that look again, the “I’m about to ask you a difficult question because I care about you” expression. 

Ethan was starting to hate that expression. 

“Do you want to break up with her?” 

Shit, that was the question he really didn’t want to answer, mostly because he wasn’t sure about his own feelings, and as he set the empty bottle down on the coffee table he ached to have another one, if only to dull the pounding in his head. 

Yeah right, like getting drunk would make his headache BETTER. 

He finally spoke after what seemed like an eternity. “I don’t know. She wasn’t wrong, we have been, distant? Recently it feels like we’ve been, I don’t know, living separate lives. But I didn’t get any signs that either of us were unhappy, just, thought we needed to, reconnect, you know?” 

His gestures bordered on the frantic, it felt awful to be disappointing, and that’s exactly what he felt like he was. A disappointment. For not being good enough, for not realizing her unhappiness, for mind cheating on her with his friends! For every night he’d barely acknowledged her, for every date he blew off, god he felt like the worst fucking boyfriend in the universe. 

He didn’t realize he had started crying until Mark was leaning forward and brushing the damp trails away. He sniffled, sinuses clogged and swollen, and he was sure his face was a wreck, red and puffy. 

“Hey,” Mark moved so they were sitting close to each other, pulling Ethan against his chest as sobs wracked his body. “It’s gonna be ok.” He rubbed comforting circles across the younger mans back. Ethan tried to calm down, he really did, but it was like his emotions were finally free and he couldn’t seem to cage them again. 

So he cried. He cried for Mika, for his own pain and the pain he caused. He cried for Mark, hands grasping tightly at the other mans shirt. He cried because he couldn’t stop, and Mark didn’t stop either, he kept gently holding him close and whispering quiet reassurances.   
Even when he did stop, hiccuping breaths smoothing over, Mark still held him, not seeming to care that his shirt had snot and tears covering the front. Ethan finally relaxed, pulsing muscles easing as he rested his chin against Mark’s shoulder, returning the embrace. He felt Marks arms wrap around him tighter, shifting so his leg wasn’t in the way, allowing Ethan to get as close as possible. 

And when they parted after what felt like a warm, wonderful eternity, if Ethans eyes lingered on Marks lips, they didn’t mention it. And if Marks hands lingered on Ethans face to brush his tears away, they didn’t mention that either. And if, when they decided to watch a movie, Ethan sat pressed up against Marks side, his head resting on Marks shoulder, Marks hands resting, warm and heavy on top of his own beneath the blanket they shared, they definitely didn’t mention that. And when Ethan woke up in his bed the next morning, with a goodnight text on his phone from Mark, he DEFINITELY didn’t think about Mark carrying him upstairs from the living room.


	4. Chapter 4

Unfortunately, the new day also brought the promise of finishing the conversation with Mika, and despite how nice it had been to get comfort from Mark the night before, Ethan didn’t feel any closer to having answers. Specifically, “do I want to break up with my girlfriend” answers. He made coffee, attempting to sort his thoughts out. Mika was right about them drifting apart, but in his blaming himself and his, Mark problem, he neglected to question why Mika had been pulling away. She seemed shocked by his revelation, so it seemed unlikely that she was experiencing the same problem. His phone buzzed on the kitchen counter, it was Mika, texting to ask if she could come by after work. 

On one hand, waiting all day would be excruciating, on the other, he didn’t have much of a choice, she was probably already leaving for work. At least, he thought, sending her a quick reply that he would see her then, at least that would give him time to think. He didn’t want to be caught off guard and emotional like yesterday. So he walked Spencer, and started in on filming for his own channel, he had until lunchtime when he was supposed to meet Mark, Amy, and Evan for lunch and filming for Unus Annus. 

He finished his outro, seeing as he had about an hour before he was going to film over at Marks, he took Spencer to the dog park, throwing a toy and watching with glee as Spencer ran after it. Spending time with his puppy always made him happy and energized, so by the time they made it to Marks his heart felt a lot lighter. 

They filmed a couple videos, ate a ton of pizza, and all together, had a fun day. Amy sat at the couch, scratching Henry’s head, smushing his face between her hands. Ethan watched her, glancing at the time. He would have to leave soon, wanting to get a shower in before Mika got to the apartment. 

“Hey, you doing ok today?” 

The question startled him slightly, Amy’s eyes seemed to be transfixed to Henry. 

“Uh yeah, yeah I’m doin fine. Why?” 

Her eyes narrowed slightly, but her gaze was still directed to the puppy she was petting. 

“Mark left in kinda a hurry to get to your place last night. When he got back he said you were upset. He didn’t say why or anything like that. I was just worried about you.” She stood and faced him, his cheeks flushing slightly as she put her hands on his shoulders. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, but you can always come to me or Mark to talk. I hope you know that.” 

She ruffled his hair and smiled at him, moving to sit back down next to Henry. He thanked her, knowing she would never say something like that without meaning it. He excused himself soon after, heading home felt like leaving behind the warmth and company he so enjoyed to face a firing squad. 

He knew, reasonably, that should have answered his question. 

But still he showered quickly and walked Spencer with the thought that he was undecided, that he would hear what she had to say, that he wasn’t going to break up with her over a stupid fight. 

She came later than expected, holding a bag of takeout. “Hope you haven’t had Chinese today.” She smiled, kissing him. 

They ate in surprisingly amiable silence, save for her asking to pass the egg rolls, and Ethan asking how her day went. 

She pushed her food away when he asked, he felt her watching him eat his noodles. 

“Honestly Eth, today was hell.” 

He looked up at her, wiping his face with a napkin. She stifled a laugh and grabbed her own napkin to swipe at something he must have missed. 

“I’m sorry.” He reached for her wrist before she moved away, holding on to her. 

He opened his mouth to say more, but she beat him to it, cupping his face in her hand, his still loosely hold her wrist. 

“Don’t. I don’t want you to apologize. I want us to talk. To be serious. I don’t want,” She paused, seemingly collecting her thoughts. “I don’t want us to break up because we aren’t being honest.” 

His heart sunk, he heard the words she hadn’t said, the “I DON’T want us to break up because we AREN’T honest but I DO want us to break up because we ARE.” 

And it broke his heart. 

But still they talked, and cried, and cleared away dishes, and broke up, because clearly they both felt it. And as she walked to the door, and kissed his forehead, and told him that SHE was sorry, he couldn’t find it in himself to understand that this was the end. An end he had agreed to, her words ringing in his head, 

“If you think this is gonna work, if you want to keep trying, we can keep trying. But I need you to look at me and tell me that’s how you honestly feel.”  
And he had said no. He said he didn’t think they could ever be their happiest together. He said he was sorry and he loved her but he didn’t think either of them could keep doing this. He talked like he had himself all figured out, like he knew that this was for the best, the epitome of mutual understanding. 

And so she left, and he cried his fucking eyes out and drank until the stairs turned into an obstacle course, and his addled brain kept telling him to call Mark, or Amy, to fall into their arms, or maybe just drive (bad idea) over there and crawl into their bed and tell them he was fucking heartbroken and he needed to spend the night. 

But instead he threw up in the sink and called Kathryn, asking her when she was coming home, and telling HER he was fucking heartbroken and she should come home and bring him ice cream or whatever the fuck it was heartbroken people ate, hearing her promise to bring some when she got back in a few days.

“Why don’t you come back nowww.” He whined, picturing that she would say of course and come home to wallow with him. That is, until her voice crackled through the phone. 

“I’m sorry I can’t be back until then, I have a flight booked Ethan.” 

He guessed she was probably annoyed with his late night, drunken, cursing, sobbing self, so he told her to stay as long as she wanted and hung up. He slid down the counter to sit on the kitchen floor, crying lightly, mostly from exhaustion if he was being honest, though he was upset about being mean to Kathryn, and not calling Mark when it was earlier, and now he was alone and mean and sad and he probably would be for the rest of his fucking life. 

Shit, now he was crying for real, ugly sobs wracking his body. He couldn’t even cry properly anymore, tears having dried up and stuck to his face. Even Spencer gave up on getting him up, trotting away to sleep. 

He wiped his nose on his sleeve, sniffling loudly and finishing whatever drink was in his hand. He knew, somewhere in his hazy mind, that he truly had wanted to break up, that he thought it could be better for both of them, but his heart was telling him he just got dumped and he was allowed to wallow. 

He was debating finishing up the wine in the cabinet, stumbling to his feet and knocking over an empty can on the counter. A noise caught his attention, it sounded like someone was at the door, but just as it swung open the floor swayed beneath his feet and gravity yanked him down towards it, he was vaguely aware that he was passing out right before his vision went black.


	5. Chapter 5

“Ethan, Ethan!”

“Don’t yell at him.”

“Well I wouldn’t have to if he would just wake up!”

His eyelids felt like boulders, resting heavy against his eyes. He felt like he had just passed out drunk, which made a lot of sense, head spinning when he tried to move. 

“Hey, you up buddy?” 

Ethan groaned and rubbed his temples (Hey! He could move his hand now! Progress) Gentle hands pushed at his back, helping him sit up. 

“Can you drink some of this for me Eth?” 

A cold glass rim pushed up against his lips, and he graciously tilted his head back to let cool water sooth his parched throat. He realized that was what he forgot, even when attempting to get blackout drunk, water is important. 

The water woke him up enough to open his eyes, the kitchen lights were way too bright, casting a fucking halo around Mark’s head as he looked down with concern. So that would make the person holding him upright Amy, he couldn’t turn to look at her, even moving his eyes made him want to puke, but her hands gently squeezed his shoulders and grounded him as much as possible. 

“Oh, hey Markkk!” He drawled, having the sudden urge to touch his friends face, to feel the coarse stubble darkening his features, but as he reached forward, Mark moved back, likely in surprise at being launched at, causing Ethan to fall flat on his face, lacking the reflexes to catch himself. 

“Oh fuck me”

They helped him to sit back up, nose bleeding bright red all over his fingers. The night didn’t really register past that, he felt someone cleaning his face with a towel, and hushed whispers, but it didn’t really matter when Mark was picking him up and cradling his body against his chest. 

His head cleared a bit as Amy lifted his head off her lap to offer more water, it was then he realized he was laying in the backseat of Mark’s car, watching the LA lights roll past the open window. He drank the water offered greedily, laying back down when the smell of smoke briefly tinged the fresh night air, threatening to make him puke, again. It occurred to him that was probably the reason the window was open to begin with, but his thoughts drifted by as lazily as the headlights in the distance, still warm air filling his lungs. 

He noticed Mark glancing back at him in the rearview mirror, and in a characteristically charming move, he winked dramatically and vomited, Amy moved as quick as lightning, placing a bag in front of him just in time to catch the majority of his puke, wiping his face with napkins she got from somewhere, all he knew is that she was probably magical and he was incredibly tired. So he let himself admire Amy’s pretty face and drift asleep. 

When he woke up, his head was pounding, his stomach felt like he drank battery acid, his mouth tasted like vomit, he wasn’t wearing pants, and he was in someone else’s bed. Mark and Amy’s bed, to be exact. He stretched out, feeling his muscles ache with the movement. Shit, what happened last night? His memories were few and far between, and what he did remember felt more like a dream than a memory. He turned and put his feet flat on the cold floor, spotting three aspirin and a full glass of water on the nightstand. 

They were so good to him. 

He drank the entire glass, swallowing the aspirin gladly. He laid back into the bed, moving to the other side where it was cool against his legs, soft pillows cushioning his aching head. The sheets wrapped around him so nicely, duvet weighing comfortingly on his body. He dully wished he wasn’t alone, wished the pillow he was wrapping himself around was a living, breathing, person. He wished his ear was pressed against a muscular chest, hearing a steady heartbeat instead of staticky silence. 

He was drifting between sleep and waking, early afternoon sun creeping in through the window. He heard the door creaking open, in that echoing sleepy way that made soft footsteps sound like they were far away and mellow. 

“You awake Eth?”

He turned, breaking the spell of impending sleep to see Mark sitting on the edge of the bed, holding another glass of water. 

The silence should have been awkward by all accounts, after Ethan had finished the glass and handed it back, but it wasn’t, they just sat, and thought, and Ethan was realizing that there were very few awkward moments with Mark. 

Mark shifted slightly forward, moving into the sunlight, golden against his tanned face. 

“We were really worried about you last night.” 

Ethan nodded, head still fuzzy around the edges, it was probably better if Mark did the talking for right now. 

“We came over because Kathryn called me. Do you remember talking to her?” 

Vaguely, he remembered asking her to come back and bring him ice cream, but Mark’s tone made it sound like there was more to it than that. She wouldn’t have called him if that was all. 

“Kinda I guess, I can’t really remember what we talked about though.”

Mark hummed, moving to sit cross legged. 

“She said you sounded really drunk and upset. She said you were really angry. I’ve never seen you that drunk Eth, you couldn’t even move.” 

He cringed at that, picturing them walking in on him. 

“I’m guessing that your talk with Mika didn’t go well?”

Ethan shook his head, emotions crashing back into focus. 

He tried really hard not to cry, but the words kept getting caught in his throat as he tried to speak them. Mark waited, patient and listening. 

“We broke up.”

He was pretty sure he was gonna choke on the confession. 

Mark hugged him, dragging him forward a bit into the embrace. Ethan was sure he must smell awful, but the other man didn’t seem to care, wrapping his strong arms around Ethan’s slim torso and pulling tight. 

Mark’s voice rumbled deeply in his ear, mumbling apologies and reassurances. 

They pulled away after several moments, Ethans eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Mark ran his fingers through the other mans hair, pausing to rest his hand against Ethan’s face, running the pad of his thumb over his cheekbone. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

It looked like Mark had more to say, but Ethan really had to pee by this point and Mark offered to make him coffee while he went. 

He took the time to check his phone, sending a quick apologetic text to Kathryn. He really didn’t remember much of their conversation, but the guilt pooling in his stomach told him he hadn’t been very nice. 

Thinking clearer having slept, he sorted through his feelings, it was easier to see the logic in the breakup now, and he couldn’t think of many actual reasons why he would have objected, besides wanting to avoid the pain. 

They had drifted apart, and he did have, he’d admit it, feelings for Mark and Amy. And while he didn’t have any plans to act on those feelings, he truly didn’t feel comfortable being THAT attracted to other people while in a relationship. You can’t help who you’re attracted to, but you can help who you fantasize about. 

Having splashed some refreshing water on his face he wandered into the hallway, padding down the stairs to see Mark in the kitchen. 

The older man swiveled on his heel to grab a mug as Ethan sat at the counter, smiling inwardly as Mark picked out his favorite one, pouring them both a cup of coffee. 

“You feeling any better?” 

Ethan nodded, sipping his coffee and smiling over the rim. 

“Good,” Mark rested his elbows on the counter, holding his coffee up in front of his mouth. “I think,” he sighed, “I’m gonna ask you something, and it’s going to come out wrong.”

Ethan sucked in a breath, letting out nervous laugh. 

“Okaaay, that doesn’t sound good, but go ahead.”

A few more moments passed in silence as Ethan waited for Mark to speak. 

“Do you regret breaking up with Mika? Not like, are you sad about it, but like, were you on board?”

Ethan didn’t really know where to start, but he didn’t want to lie to Mark. 

“I don’t regret it. She was right, we hadn’t been, I don’t know, happy together? In a long time. Honestly I don’t really know why she wasn’t.” 

“And why weren’t you? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

Shit, that was exactly what Ethan didn’t want to have happen. He should have known that Mark would catch on to his wording. 

“I guess I just, I wasn’t as invested in the relationship as I should have been.”

He mentioned canceling dates to keep filming, in fact, how filming for Unus Annus had already taken up most of his attention. 

“Not that I’m saying that Unus Annus is why we broke up! We had issues way before too. But I think it just forced me to make a choice, between Mika and, honestly myself.”

Marks face shifted to pain at the mention of filming becoming an issue. 

“Do you think you made the right choice?”

Ethan stared into Mark’s eyes, deep with some hidden emotion. 

“Yeah,” he smiled. “Yeah I do.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may have forgotten to mention that this is completely unedited and mostly written late at night so im sorry for any mistakes :)

Amy got back later that day, bearing gifts of food for the two men. They greeted her warmly, Mark with a quick kiss and Ethan with a hug. 

“So guys, how was your day?” She asked between bites of burrito bowl. 

“Pretty good, although Ethan slept in till noon and ruined a day of shooting.”

Somewhere between serious and joking, Mark glared at Ethan, who responded with deep blushing and sputtering out of how he was very sorry for the inconvenience. 

Amy just laughed and stated that she’d already made plans to double up on the next filming day. 

“We could film tomorrow too, actually. Get a head start, if that works with everyone’s schedules?” She raised a questioning eyebrow at the two men, who both responded that they were available. 

“Great! I’ll text Evan and see if he can be here. Ethan if you wanted to stay the night we could get goin early tomorrow, you ok with that?”

“Oh shit, I should but I really have to go take care of Spencer!” 

He moved to get up, anxiously checking his pockets for his phone when he saw the amused expressions on the others faces. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Did you really not notice?” Mark laughed at him and pointed to the kitchen where Spencer sat, wagging his tail at Ethan. 

Apparently he hadn’t, as he was far too preoccupied, but judging from his pups happy demeanor the day had gone just fine for him. He crouched down beside the excited dog, scratching his head and ruffling his fur. Ethan grinned up at Amy as she walked around him to throw out the garbage, getting her big, beautiful smile in return. 

Evan couldn’t make it to film the next day, but Amy could film on her own for the couple videos they wanted to do, plus that meant that they could start working as soon as everyone was up and caffeinated, and without waiting for anyone to show up they might even be able to squeeze in an extra video. 

“Hey, did you want to do that video with the baby hands tomorrow?” Mark asked, looking up from his phone. 

“Oh yeah, that would be great actually.” Ethan frowned, “Do we have everything we need though?”

“I mean, we’d have to get the baby hands.” 

“Shit, right, well we’d probably have to leave now if we want to get to the store before it closes.”

They got ready to leave quickly, waving goodbye to Amy, who sat in the backyard watching the dogs run around in the darkness. 

The store did in fact sell baby hands, as well as a few other things that sparked ideas, and all in all they spent a lot of money and got a couple videos out of it. 

“Hey Eth do you want to swing by your place to grab anything on the way back?” Mark glanced at him in the passenger seat, seeing Ethan nod. 

“Yeah, I should probably grab my laptop and stuff.” 

Ethan looked over at Mark, watching the city lights cast brightly over the curves of the other mans face. He watched his jaw tighten and relax beneath his stubble, the bobbing of his adams apple as he swallowed. 

His gaze travelled to Marks hands, veins defined as he gripped tight on the steering wheel to turn into his driveway. He sighed, moving to unbuckle and get out, when one of those hands landed on his arm, squeezing lightly. 

Mark cleared his throat. 

“Want me to come in with you?”

Ethan turned to him, considering it for a moment. 

“Nah, I’ll be out in a minute, unless you want to come in.”

Mark shook his head, letting good of Ethan’s arm. 

Fuck. 

He had unlocked the door with a list of important items running through his head, but the second he stepped into the house the smell of booze and vomit hit him in the face, erasing any other thoughts from his head. He couldn’t leave this for later, the apartment was a wreck, so he quickly picked up as many empty bottles and cans as he could see and rinsed out the slimy puke filled sink. He grabbed his duffel bag and threw his laptop and chargers in it, rushing into the bathroom to grab his toothbrush and glasses. He looked at the relatively empty bag before deciding he’d taken too much time already, quickly locking his door and rushing back down to Mark.

“Hey, you good?” Mark looked up from his phone as Ethan opened the car door, tossing his bag inside. 

“Yeah! Sorry, had to clean up a bit. I must’ve been fucking wasted last night, the whole place smelled like shit.” 

Mark just nodded, putting his hand on the back of Ethan’s seat to back up, craning his neck. Ethan felt the other mans proximity send a shiver down his spine, making the hairs on his arms stand up. He was sure Mark had done that a million times, but something inside him made the simple gesture feel like an act of intimacy he was desperate for. 

“You cold?” Mark asked, turning to look at Ethan while stopped at a red light. 

“Nope, why?” 

The red glow illuminated Marks fingers tracing lightly over Ethans arm, drawing attention to the goose bumps that still faintly dotted his skin. The touch made it far worse, and Ethan felt like every nerve in his body was going haywire, just from that. 

“Oh yeah,” He chuckled, “Guess I should have worn something warmer.”

But they both knew LA was unusually warm for a November evening, and Ethan’s sleeves were still rolled up to his elbow. 

The light went green, breaking the spell as Mark withdrew his hand to keep driving. 

They rode in silence for a ways, until Ethan couldn’t take it anymore. “Hey Mark?”

He made a short grunting noise, signaling for him to continue. 

He was gonna say that he was glad he broke up with Mika, because maybe now he had a shot with other people. Other people maybe being Mark, and Amy. But looking over at the other man, he lost his nerve. What if he yelled at him, threw him out, never wanted to talk to him again? Besides, Mark had never given any indication of being anything other than straight, plus he might find it incredibly weird that Ethan was essentially suggesting joining their committed relationship. 

His brain ran circles around him, and it was until Mark glanced over and raised his eyebrows that Ethan remembered he was supposed to be talking right now. Better play it off. 

“Aw never mind, it’s dumb.”

“Don’t do that.” Mark responded, “Nothing you could say would be dumb.”

“That’s not true and you know it.” Ethan laughed, happier still to see the corners of Mark’s eyes crinkle up as he grinned. 

“Ok, nothing you could say in this setting would be dumb. Happy now?”

“I guess, maybe we can talk later?” He knew it wouldn’t fully sate the other mans curiosity, but he had to buy himself some time. “I’m sorry man, I know I’m stupid, just need more time to sort out my thoughts, you know?”

“You’re not stupid. But I get it, take your time man.”

Oh thank fucking god that he didn’t press the issue any further, Ethan was already freaking out internally. 

When they got back to Mark’s house, Ethan went up to the guest room, putting his glasses on and grabbing his laptop. He joined Amy downstairs, setting up on the couch next to Chica.   
Amy turned toward him and rested her feet up, pressing them into the side of his leg. 

She reached up and rubbed a thumb over his cheek, and Ethan froze, painting a confused look on his face to mask his excitement at the gesture. 

“You had lint.”

That was a perfectly reasonable explanation, he thought as she settled back against the couch. But still, he had the same reaction to Mark earlier, the slightest of intimacies seemed to swallow him whole. He really was fucked, wasn’t he. And not in the way he’d like. 

“I really want popcorn, we have any?” Amy thought for a second before responding that she thought so, and that he should check in the pantry. 

Ethan shuffled over and dug through the cabinets, looking first next to the popcorn maker. When that turned up nothing he grabbed a protein bar from the fridge and sat back down. 

“Giving up already?” She laughed as he grimaced at the taste of the sugar free snack. 

“One of these days I’m gonna organize all those cabinets, everyone knows you keep the popcorn near the popcorn maker.” 

She rolled her eyes lightly at his promise. “Go ahead, Mark likes to rearrange everything constantly anyway. I can’t find anything in there.” 

At that, Mark descended the stairs, hair dripping. He grabbed a bag of veggie straws and poured some into a bowl, and as if to prove her point, he promptly put the bag back in a completely different cabinet. 

Ethan and Amy lost it, laughter only increasing as Mark struggled to understand what was so funny. “What?” He gestured with the bowl towards them. “You want some?” They laughed even harder as he grew frustrated, not being able to find the bag where it had been originally. 

“What’s so fucking funny!?”

They couldn’t stand to tell him, so he settled for sitting unceremoniously in the center of the couch, arms flung out to each side, bowl resting in his lap. 

“Well clearly I’m such a comedic genius,” That statement brought even more laughter, much to the chagrin of the bewildered Mark. “CLEARLY! I’m such a comedic GENIUS! That my very PRESENCE is hilarious.”

“God Mark just eat your veggie straws.” Ethan finally countered, snagging one for himself. 

Amy laughed occasionally the rest of the night, inciting another round of questioning from Mark. Beyond that the evening was quiet, a warm blanket of companionship settling over the three. 

At some point, Amy shuffled upstairs to bed, leaving Mark and Ethan alone. 

Ethan finally returned to that list he had in his head, the one he’d completely forgot about until right at this very moment. 

“Fuck, dude I forgot pajamas!”

Mark chuckled at him as he plugged his laptop in next to the couch. 

“So? Just sleep naked.” 

“Duuuude! You know I can’t! Can I borrow some clothes?”

Mark smiled and ran upstairs, returning with a pair of sweatpants and a t shirt. 

“These good?”

Ethan held up the shirt, it looked like it was a few sized too big, even for Mark, but to sleep in it would be fine. 

“Yeah this is great, thanks Mark.”

“Do you have clothes to wear tomorrow?” Mark asked, gesturing to his two day old outfit. 

Thankfully his duffel bag had a button up, a couple sweatshirts, and a pair of jeans. 

They parted at Mark’s bedroom door, and Ethan walked down the hallway to the guest room. He slipped his shirt off, glad to be rid of it, and jumped in the shower for a rinse. He didn’t have any shampoo or anything, but the water was warm and hand soap would suffice. 

He scrubbed at his skin, moving lower with his ministrations until he was leaning against the shower wall, attempting to suppress his moans. His hand glided over his hard cock, his memory conjured up Mark’s touch from earlier, imagining gentle hands running over his whole body. He jerked himself off faster, breathing heavily. He thought of Amy touching him from the front, soft hands taking the place of his own, while Mark stood behind, rougher now in pulling Ethan’s hips back to meet his own. And before he could finish his fantasy, he came, painting the wall a sticky white. 

He rested his head against the cool tile, letting his breath even out. The water started to run cool before he got out, slipping on the borrowed clothing and climbing into the cool sheets. The lights from passing cars illuminated the ceiling. Ethan curled up on his side, hugging a pillow to his chest. 

He tried to sleep, but he craved warmth, wanting to wrap his arms around another person and be held close. Fucking shit. He was losing his fucking mind, he couldn’t even get his traitorous desires to fuck off long enough to sleep. 

He rolled over onto his back, breathing a heavy sigh. 

“Why am I such a fucking idiot?”

He did sleep eventually, but he was restless and alone, his dreams confusing, full of meaningless scenes that left him feeling more tired than before. 

He woke up early in the morning, dawn still far off, at the sound of a door creaking open down the hall. Heavy footsteps approached him, making his heart jump at the thought that Mark was coming to see him, maybe he would slide into bed next to him, pulling him to his chest and smoothing his hair. 

But he heard the bathroom door close, and open a few moments later, footsteps receding away once more, his fantasy ending with the sound of the other bedroom door creaking to a close.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe that unus annus is ending technically today, i've cleared my schedule to watch the livestream but i'm pretty fucking heartbroken actually. also this chapter gets things going a bit, and also spends more time with Amy :)

Mark’s hands ran over Ethan’s forearms, brushing up the inside of his elbow with his thumb. He felt the other man’s breath on his neck. Mark leaned forward further and licked a hot stripe over his throat, pausing to nip lightly at his jawline before kissing up towards his ear. 

Ethan groaned, his alarm shattering his dreams. He shook his head in an attempt to clear the erotic vision from his mind, the ghost of hands and teeth and tongue lingering on his skin. 

He sat up, wiping the sleep from his eyes with the back of his hand. His phone read the time as 6:30, sun already shining dimly through the room, the faint sound of activity from downstairs rousing him fully. He adjusted the t-shirt over his shoulders. 

Ethan stumbled out of bed, taking a quick stop in the bathroom before heading to the kitchen. Amy looked up from the stove as he came down the stairs, spatula in hand. 

“Mornin Eth, did you sleep good?”

“Yeah, had some weird dreams though.” He moved to pour himself some coffee from the half full pot. “How about you?”

“I slept fine, woke up kind early though, I was up before Mark even.” 

“Oh wow,” He moved to sit at the counter. “You must’ve been up for hours then.” He laughed, Mark sometimes texted him as early as 4 am. 

Ethan watched as she dumped eggs on both plates set in front of her, grabbing forks and sitting next to him. 

They briefly went over the plan for the day, they would start filming as soon as Mark got back from the gym. Amy turned in her seat to face Ethan, he felt her eyes on him as he ate. “Everything ok?” He asked, glancing at her. She sighed and leaned against the counter, extending her hand to rest lightly on his arm. Her fingers traced his medical alert bracelet, the chain softly clinking against the counter as she moved it gently. He looked at her expectantly with his eyebrows raised, the corner of his mouth curved in a small smile. 

“Yeah,” She withdrew her hand and turned back to her plate. “Everything’s fine, just worried about you.”   
He turned to fully look at her, she was smiling sadly at her remaining eggs, a strange look settled in her eyes. 

“Hey Amy, I’ll be fine.” He reached for her, squeezing her hand for a moment before breaking the contact. He gave her a smile that she returned, some of that weird look in her eyes fading. “Actually I did have an idea for the baby hands video,” She took a big sip of coffee, explaining what she thought. The weirdness of the previous few minutes passed quickly as they fell into excited discussion. 

They stood side by side doing the dishes, Amy washing and Ethan drying. “Where does this go?” He held up the pan she’d cooked eggs in and she pointed to a cabinet behind him. “I’m not sure if its gonna stay there, I just bought it a couple days ago.” He nodded, he hadn’t seen it before. She handed him a plate, flicking water at him in the process, getting the front of his shirt wet. “Hey!” He hit her lightly with the dish towel, getting a laugh out of her. “Hey! It was an accident!” She backed away from the sink, as he attempted to hit her again and missed, allowing her to grab the spray faucet, aiming at his head. “Amy, don’t you dare!” He laughed as she threatened him. He threw the towel at her, ducking as she sprayed in his general direction. “Hah! I got you!” She sprayed the warm water at him as he ran away, getting most of his back and a decent amount of the floor soaking wet. “Fuck, you got me.” He pulled the dripping shirt away from his back, the water cooling rapidly and making him chilly. 

She tossed the towel back at him. “You’re cleaning up.”

“Aw come on Amy!” He shouted at her, watching her walk away. 

“Relax! I’m getting you a different shirt, unless you want to drip everywhere.” 

He rolled his eyes with a smile and dropped to his knees to wipe the floor, wringing the dirty towel out over the sink when he was done, throwing it into the washing machine. 

“Is this good?” She reappeared on the staircase, holding a sweatshirt over the railing. “Yeah that’s great!” He caught it as she tossed it to him. He shrugged off the wet shirt, putting it into the washing machine with the towel. The sweatshirt was a bit tighter than he would have gotten, sleeves coming up a tad short, but it wasn’t too bad if he pushed the sleeves up to his elbows. “Is this yours?” He put his hands in the pocket, feeling the soft interior. “Yeah, sorry if it’s a bit tight, I honestly don’t know what clothes of Mark’s are clean.” He replied that it was fine, he really liked the soft pocket lining. 

They finished up the kitchen, and Ethan noticed that if he lifted his arms the sweatshirts hem would lift just enough to expose the top of his underwear and a thin stripe of skin. It was kind of fun to shrug his shoulders just right to lift the fabric, pulling his ribs away from his hipbones to watch his stomach come into view. He stood on his tiptoes to put the last mug away, intentionally moving so that the most skin was exposed as possible. When he turned to look at Amy, he could almost swear her face was a shade darker as she quickly looked away from him. 

Mark got back from the gym not long after they had settled down on their phones, and the first thing Ethan noticed was the sweat dripping from his short hair, his shirt almost fully drenched. “Hey guys.” 

“Hey, how was the gym?” Ethan asked, watching Mark tug his shoes off. 

“Not bad, how did you sleep?” 

Ethan answered similarly to how he’d answered Amy earlier, and Mark simply nodded, removing his socks to put them in the wash. 

The light fabric of his shirt clung to his muscles, and as he dipped into the fridge to grab a water, his back flexed, displaying his broadened shoulders and strong angular shape. Ethan tried to look away, but Mark’s hips moved slightly as he rummaged throughout the fridge, keeping his gaze firmly stuck on the man. 

“Hey, did we decide what video we’re shooting first?”

That tore Ethan’s attention away from Mark’s ass, for fear of being caught staring. Ethan sputtered and flushed, trying to answer as quickly as possible. Mark’s eyes narrowed slightly at him and Amy turned to look at him too, watching him smile nervously. 

“Okaayy,” Mark shook his head. “I just have to shower quick and then we can get started.”

Ethan leaned back into the couch, wishing it would swallow him whole. He was fairly certain Mark and Amy both saw him staring, so he buried his face in his phone and hoped Amy wouldn’t bring it up. 

And yet, moments later, a sharp elbow nudged him, rousing him from his thoughts. 

“See something you liked?” 

Fuck. 

She saw, and Mark probably did too, and how was he supposed to answer without giving away the depth of his interest? Did he go full humor, telling her he thought Mark was hot? Or did he go the denial route, and say that he just zoned out? 

Certainly he was taking too long to answer, but her dark eyes just stared kindly at him, far kinder than he felt he deserved. 

“Uhh, yeah, Mark’s pretty hot?” 

Shit, he went for humor but his voice sounded incredibly sincere. 

She smiled, small lines forming on either side of her mouth. Ethan loved those lines. 

“Yeah, he is."

Her smile didn’t dissipate, but she did return to looking at her phone, leaving Ethan confused with both his own feelings and her reaction. 

Mark came down the stairs with a handful of laundry, filling up the rest of the washing machine and turning it on. 

“Alright, everyone ready?” He clapped his hands together, and with that, they started filming. 

Mark sat on the floor next to him, going off about how many cups they needed to stack. His button up shirt shifted open as he talked, and from Ethans angle he could see Mark’s chest. He reached out a hand, a plastic baby hand of course, aiming right for the exposed nipple he could see. 

“Don’t touch me.” Mark joked as he kept reaching in, not planning on stopping until the next words came from Marks mouth. “If you win you can touch me.” 

“Is that a promise?” 

Fuck, he didn’t mean to say that out loud, giggling uncomfortably as Mark scoffed. “You think I would go back on my word?” He huffed. 

Ethan laughed and withdrew his hand, zoning out slightly as Mark began spouting some bullshit about his reputation. He had a competition to win. 

He didn’t win of course, but he wasn’t even sure there was a clear winner, what with how many rounds they’d done and Amy taking his place for one of them. 

“Alright guys, you ready to film the next video?” 

Ethan nodded his agreement. 

“Wait a minute,” Amy said before all three of them went upstairs to the office. “Why do I need to be here for this part, aren’t you guys just filming yourselves watching videos for the first part?” 

She was right, as always, and went outside to chill with the dogs while Mark and Ethan filmed upstairs. 

“Do we have to be watching this entire video?” Ethan asked, around halfway through a vacuum cleaner repair tutorial. “It doesn’t have anything to do with cupping.”

Mark glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “Don’t you want to be informed as to how vacuums work?” 

Ethan huffed. “Not really.”

Mark turned to face him, and as he did Ethan put on his best pouting face. He poked Mark’s arm. “Don’t touch me.” Mark stated, he was still in his filming persona, catching Ethan’s wrist as he went to poke him again. “Awe but it’s so fun!” He moved his other hand to repeat the action, but Mark was quicker, grabbing both wrists and holding firmly. 

“But you didn’t win the competition, so you haven’t earned the right to touch me.” Marks voice had dropped low, deep and quiet. 

What the fuck.

His grip tightened slightly. 

“Hey Ethan.” 

“Uh, yeah Mark?” 

Ethan glanced at the camera and the video, monotonous voice still droning on about vacuums. 

Mark moved forward, forcing Ethan a half step backwards, crowding him against the wall. “Why were you staring at my ass earlier?” He asked, eyes narrowed as he stepped even closer to Ethan. 

Ethan flushed deeply, Mark was so close to him he was forced to look up despite Mark only being an inch taller. 

“Umm, I wasn’t? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He stammered and blushed further as Mark released his wrists and raised one hand to the wall next to his head, pining Ethan in place. 

“Oh really?” Marks voice seemed to get even deeper, if that was possible, sending tingles down Ethans spine. 

“So if I were to do this,” Mark leaned forward, and kissed Ethan’s neck. Ethan groaned, breathing heavier at the touch. Mark moved to talk into his ear. “You’re saying it wouldn’t affect you in any way?”

Ethan groaned again, squeezing his eyes shut as Mark pressed their hips together. 

“Markkk.” He whined, Marks other hand trailing to rest on the slight curve of his hip. 

“Dude,” Ethan breathed heavy, “What the fuck are you doing?” 

Mark ran his hands through Ethan’s hair, tugging lightly, sending shivers down his spine. 

“I’m doing what we’ve wanted for a long time.” At that Mark pressed their lips together, and Ethan forgot anything else that may have been going through his mind. His brain dissolved into teeth and tongue and soft warm lips that tasted inherently like MARK. He pushed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Mark’s neck. The other mans knee came up between his legs, making it easier for Ethan to hook his leg around Mark’s waist. 

They parted, a string still connecting them, causing them to laugh lightly. Mark held up Ethan’s leg, stroking over his hip. 

“Shit, shit, shit, Mark,” Ethan heaved, trying to see past the fog of arousal residing in his brain. “What about Amy.” Mark wrapped himself further around Ethan. 

“She knows.”

Ethan pulled back fully out of the embrace, knocking lightly into the wall. “What do you mean she knows?” 

“I mean she knows, she’s ok with this.” 

“Ok, Mark,” Ethan untangled further from the other man, holding him at arms length. “Mark we need to talk, it’s up to you whether or not Amy’s here right now, but we can’t just,” He waved his arms vaguely, “do this,” gesturing between them, “without talking about it!” 

Mark dropped his arms, nodding solemnly. “She’s aware of us having this conversation right now. We can talk for a while before calling her up.”

Ethan nodded, walking on slightly shaky knees to the couch. “Having trouble walking?” Mark teased, sitting beside him. “Shut up. I’m serious. I have questions.” To the other mans credit, he straightened up and waited for Ethan to speak. 

“Ok, let me get this right. You talked to Amy about what exactly?”

“We both,” Mark hesitated, “we both want to have a relationship with you.”

“That’s very helpful information, but I really need to know exactly what you talked about.” Ethan couldn’t even process what Mark said, he was trying to stay logical and calm. 

“We want you to be part of our relationship. Me and Amy are very attracted to you, and we got the feeling you felt the same way.” Mark seemed to be struggling on his words, and Ethan could have sworn he saw the other mans eyes getting watery. 

“Well clearly I do.” He sort of mumbled under his breath. 

“You do?” Mark looked so open, hope tinging his voice. 

“Was Amy under the impression that you and I were just talking, or did she know you were planning on aggressively making out?”

Mark looked down, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips. “She knew we would be having this conversation, and that we both very much want you involved in kissing. I may have,” He sighed, looking around the room for a moment before reconnecting eye contact. “I may have found a creative way to bring it up.” 

“But you both agreed that you both want to kiss me?” 

“Absolutely, we wanted you as an equal member of our relationship, I would never, NEVER, cheat, and I couldn’t cheat on Amy.” Mark reached out to rest his hand on top of Ethan’s. “And I would never cheat on anyone who agreed to be in a relationship with me.” 

Ethan rested his head in his hands. He felt overwhelmed, to put it simply, and still being very much under the impression that he hadn’t been good enough for Mika was taking a toll on his self worth. So to hear Mark say that both him AND Amy wanted him, that he was desirable, it made him want to sob. When he lifted his head tears brimmed in his eyes, lip quivering. Mark immediately moved to hold him, letting the younger man cry into his shoulder. 

When the sobs wracking his body slowed, Mark moved back just enough to wipe the tears from his face, kissing his puffy cheeks. “Can you tell me why you’re crying Eth?”He struggled to form words, Mark gently combing through Ethan’s hair with his fingers, waiting patiently for him to speak. 

“I just, I can’t imagine what you see in me, you’re both so beautiful and great and make me so happy and, and I don’t know if I deserve that! I don’t know how I could be that person for you Mark!” He started getting louder, and waving his arms as he spoke, feverishly and fast. Mark caught his wrists before he grew more frantic, holding Ethan’s hands close to his chest. 

“Hey, you make me happy. You make Amy happy,” He rested his forehead against Ethan’s. “I’ve been into you since we MET. You’re WORTH loving, you’re beautiful and creative and you make me laugh, you are so fucking hot Eth, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since we fucking met.” 

“Just fucking kiss me already Mark.” Ethan pried his wrist away from Mark’s gentle hold to grab the other mans face. 

This time was different, slow and sweet and salty from Ethan’s tears. Mark cradled the back of the younger man’s head, both of them pressing as close as they could to each other. 

Ethan’s heart swelled at Mark’s words, and kissing him felt warm, happy, just RIGHT, Mark’s stubble brushing his face, Mark’s large hands holding his head. It was everything he’d dreamt of and more, Mark’s words soothed his aching heart to some extent, enough to where he could enjoy their slow kisses and light touches. 

Ethan ran his hands down Mark’s back and chest, over and over again, trying to memorize the muscles beneath his fingertips. He indulged in kissing Mark, his lips, his neck, his forehead, anywhere he could reach, and anywhere that he couldn’t press kisses he touched, Mark’s legs, his arms, his chest and sides of his stomach. Mark’s touches trailed similarly across Ethan, igniting little fires wherever his fingers went. 

Ethan rested his forehead on Mark’s chest. They were going to have a very long conversation ahead of them, and an even longer talk with Amy, but maybe, just maybe, this would be the start of something wonderful.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so you know, theres sex in this chapter :)

They sat like that, listening to each others soft breathing. “Mark?” The other man hummed, reverberating through his chest and onto Ethan’s forehead still resting there. “I’m kinda nervous.” Mark ran his hands down Ethan’s back, scratching lightly over the material. 

“You want to go find Amy?” 

Logically, Ethan knew that talking to Amy would ease his anxiety, but the thought of approaching the overwhelming subject made him kinda queasy. “I think we have to, but,” He sighed, moving so he could look Mark in the eye. “I want to do this, but I’m freaking out a little man, I think you just caught me off guard.” 

Mark huffed. “I’m sorry. I should have waited for a better opportunity, I just, I got carried away.” Ethan traced Mark’s face with his eyes, and then his fingers, as he’d so often longed to do. Mark kissed him, briefly and softly, pulling back after just a moment. “Come on,” He stood up suddenly, tugging Ethan’s arm up with him. He tried to stay seated, but Mark effortlessly dragged him up to his feet. “Mark I don’t know if I can! I’m too nervous.” For a moment he thought the other man was moving to sit back down, but he quickly realized how wrong he was as Mark picked him up, a strong arm beneath his knees. His arms flew to stabilize himself by holding on to Mark’s neck. “Markkk!” He was so close to Mark’s face as the older man carried him out the door, setting him down at the top of the stairs. “It’s up to you if you walk down there, but I hope you will.” Mark put a hand beneath Ethan’s chin, tilting his head up slightly. 

Ethan sighed and looked down the stairs, it did seem less imposing now, like Mark had carried him away from his worries, leaving them all in the office. In a burst of confidence he grabbed Mark’s hand and started down the staircase, smiling as Mark’s large fingers intertwined with his own. 

Before he knew it, they were standing side by side on front of the glass doors to the backyard, Mark waiting patiently for him to open them. He could see Amy, her back to them as she sat in a chair on the patio, gently petting Henry on the head while Chica and Spencer sniffed around the yard. 

“You ready?” Mark placed his hand of Ethan’s back, not pushing, but gently supporting him as he reached for the door handle. Ethan took a deep breath and slid the door open. 

At hearing the sound Amy turned and smiled, beckoning them over to sit with her. At first they just sat and enjoyed the cooler weather, watching the dogs run around brought a sense of peace to the situation. 

“Soo,” She started, raising her eyebrows at the men across from her. Mark looked to Ethan, who felt both sets of eyes boring into his head. “Umm, well we had a bit of a chat.” Ethan tried to seem nonchalant about their “chat,” but Amy broke into a grin regardless. “And how did that go?” Ethan flushed, thinking about Mark pressing up him against the wall, kissing him, talking to him in that dominant voice that drives him crazy. “It went, it went uhh, good.” Ethan stammered, face burning red. Mark reached over and placed his hand on the younger mans forearm, squeezing briefly. 

“I may have, uh, taken a bit of a shortcut.” Mark grinned sheepishly at Amy. 

“Oh,” She didn’t stop smiling, in fact she seemed to get even more excited. “So Eth, what are you feeling?”

He looked her in the eye, she looked happy but also a little concerned, which seemed understandable because he hadn’t said anything definite yet. He gave her a smile, which seemed to ease her concern a bit, preparing what he wanted to say. 

“I’m not against it honestly, from what Mark said, but I can’t say anything for certain until we talk.” He put on his best confident face, waiting for a reaction from either of them. 

“Of course Eth, we would never want you to agree to something WITHOUT having talked to us.” His confidence grew at hearing her say that, and his nervous energy began turning into excitement at the potential for their future. “So,” She leaned forward in her chair, “Where do you wanna start?”

Of course they turned to him, it made sense, but he honestly really didn’t WHERE to start. “Uh, I guess I would like it if you could tell me what you talked about already? If that’s ok?”

“Of course, do you want to start Mark?” Amy leaned back and put her feet up on the edge of the coffee table. 

“Uhh, alright, well I guess I should start from the beginning. We were talking one day about our relationship, and, I don’t know, you just, came up? We agreed we both are attracted to you in more ways than one, and, well, we wanted to talk to you about that.”

Ethan felt his face heating up despite himself. 

“Honestly Ethan, that’s pretty much it.” Amy interjected, “We agreed to have this conversation,” She gestured between them. “And now we’re here.” 

“Can I ask a really awkward question?” Ethan’s words stumbled out, and upon seeing both of the other two nod, he collected his thoughts. “Do you both want to have sex with me?” God that came out weird, his voice high, and squeaky. 

“Yeah, if you want that, I certainly do.” Amy replied confidently, in such vast contrast to his nerves. “I think you already know my answer to that question.” Mark stood up, moving to stand over Ethan’s chair. He watched him reach down, hooking a finger underneath his chin to lift his gaze. He stooped to kiss him, short and sweet, hand lingering on that sensitive spot on his jaw. 

Ethan could barely tear his eyes away from Mark, the older man brushed his thumb over his bottom lip, and as he moved to sit back down, Ethan’s body keened forward against his will, following Mark. 

“Holy shit.” 

THAT got his attention, causing his head to jerk towards Amy. Her eyes were almost glassy, fading out as she watched the two men interact. 

“Can I get in on that?” 

It took a moment for Ethan to process that, but when he did he nodded fervently, excitement growing in his chest as Amy walked over to him too. “Stand up for me?” Ethan stood, a couple inches taller than her, yet there was no doubt in his mind that she was in control. Her arms wrapped around his neck, coming to cup the back of his head. She tilted her head up, pressing her lips sweetly against Ethan’s, slowly at first, moving to kiss along his jawline and his neck, sighing as he rocked gently towards her. 

When she pulled back, her hands on his shoulders to steady him, he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He couldn’t remember the last time that he kissed two people so close together, and the feeling of kissing both people he’d been pining over filled his head with dopamine. 

“Uhh I don’t really have anything else to talk about.” Mark came up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist, resting his head against Ethan’s shoulder. “Well, if there’s nothing else you wanted to talk about,” Amy pressed herself close to him while Mark whispered in his ear. “We could always do something else.” 

Oh fuck yeah, his entire brain was basically focused on the two people who seemed intent on smothering him in their arms, and the smell of Amy’s shampoo and Mark’s deodorant erased his nervousness bit by bit. 

“I would fucking love to do something else.” 

And with that he found himself sitting down onto the edge of Mark and Amy’s bed, Amy taking his shirt off over his head while Mark pulled down on his undone pants. 

He moaned as Amy kissed him, Mark’s strong hands kneading at his thighs. Amy threaded her fingers in his hair, and they broke the kiss long enough for the two men to help her shirt get over her head before she was leaning back down to seemingly devour his mouth. The sensations of two set of hands tugging and touching and two mouths running over his body, it was enough to make his brain white out, his own hands grasping at whatever he could find, Amy’s neck, Mark’s hair, someones exposed hip that felt soft beneath his hand. He moaned, hands settling in her hair as Amy licked a hot stripe up the length of his dick, starting from his inner thigh crease all the way up to the head. 

For a moment his entire world was the feeling of her warm mouth on him, kissing, licking, nipping gently at the sensitive skin. He felt himself dissolve into his submissive headspace, the combined sensations making up for the lack of kinkiness he normally required to feel this way. 

He was aware of Mark moving him up the bed, Amy moving with him, taking the head of his dick in her mouth and stroking the base with her hand. Mark grabbed a handful of Ethan’s hair, pulling on the strands and making him moan loudly. “You like that? Do you like it when I pull your hair Ethan?” He nodded as best he could, Mark tugged again on his hair, taking advantage of his open mouth by inserting two large fingers between Ethans lips, leaning forward and telling him to suck. 

He came out of his haze enough to realize that he wasn’t doing any of the work, reaching has hands back to attempt to touch Mark. His efforts were rewarded with his wrists getting pinned above his head by Mark’s hand that wasn’t in his mouth. “Just relax Ethan, let us take care of you.” 

That almost sent him over the edge right then, but Amy was expertly pushing and pulling his arousal, almost to the point of edging, and while he was grateful to not be cumming early, it was almost too intense. He couldn’t focus on either one of the insanely attractive people currently touching him like their lives depended on it. 

Amy began kissing a trail up his stomach, ending up at his mouth where Mark’s fingers were being removed. He traced her body with his hands, running over the slight hint of her ribs and the curves of her hips. 

Mark moved lower, and Ethan felt his hands pulling at his legs, moving one of his legs up to what felt like the other mans shoulder, but when he tried to glance he found Amy’s smiling face there, he hadn’t realized until right then that his eyes had slipped shut. Mark moved lower, circling Ethan’s asshole with a slick finger. Somewhere in his mind he knew Mark had gotten lube from somewhere, but Amy had reached between them to his neglected cock as a thick finger pressed into him gently. 

He keened, back arching, taking Amy with him as he struggled between jerking up into her hand and pressing back down onto the delicious burn of Mark’s finger. 

Another finger entered him slowly, gently spreading him open. Amy licked up behind his ear, grinding herself down on him. 

He whined when the fingers disappeared, but the sound of a condom ripping open gave him a spike of arousal, allowing his legs to be lifted up, folded almost completely over Amys body. Mark pushed in slowly, giving Ethan time to adjust, but from the feel of it he had used plenty of lube, enough where he felt the stretch but barely any burn at all, besides when the older man pulled out almost completely before ramming back in, setting a fast, hard, almost punishing pace. Once again, the stimulation might have overwhelmed him entirely if not for Amy’s gentle hands, touching his dick but also running her hands up and down his sides, through his hair, over his face, thoroughly grounding him against the intense fucking. 

Mark moved slightly, pulling one of Ethan’s legs up and hooking his arm beneath the crook of his knee. The new angle allowed Mark to hit the spot he’d been aiming for, Ethan honest to god saw stars at his prostate being continuously dragged against with every thrust, his breath coming out in the form of needy, keening whines. 

Ethan could barely hang on, Amy grinding down on him and Mark fucking him, he couldn’t think or feel beyond the scope of where they were touching. 

Amy leaned forward, nibbling on his ear. 

“Cum for me Ethan.” She whispered, jerking him off with intent.   
It got to be too much, all at once, Mark’s intense pace and Amy’s almost too fast, too much friction hand job, pushing him over the edge harder than he could ever remember it being before, Mark fucking him through his mind shattering orgasm. 

He felt Mark pull out, dropping the used condom in the garbage. Amy still ground down on him, and he could feel Mark touching her on top of him. She shuddered eventually, thighs trembling as she came. 

He majorly spaced out, only slightly coming back to when he felt someone touching him again. 

Mark ran a warm washcloth over his body, swiping up all the semen around his lap and the sweat that covered him in a sheen. “You ok Eth?” 

Oh fuck, he hadn’t warned him about sub drop, how zoned out and spacey he usually got after sex. But right now he didn’t want to talk, he couldn’t even process where Amy went, all he wanted was to curl up in Mark’s arms and fall asleep. He nodded in answer to Mark’s question, grabbing the other mans forearms and pulling him to lay down. Thankfully he got the fucking hint, wrapping himself around Ethan just the way he wanted. 

He felt gentle hands carding though his hair, drifting off to the sound of Mark’s breathing and the feeling of his heart beat where Ethan’s ear was pressed to his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, this is entirely unedited, and im v tired rn so im sorry for any typos or weird writing things. also im not experienced at writing smut so im sorry if that whole part comes off weird. also sorry this chapters shorter, unus annus ending took a lot out of me dude.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a shorter, fluffy chapter for you today!

They didn’t sleep for long, but by the time they woke up the sun was low in the sky, sending long shadows cascading down the wall. 

He was laying up against Mark’s chest, curled up underneath his arm. The other man was propped up, scrolling through his phone. Because of the angle, Ethan laid on a comfortable incline, Mark’s arm slung over his curved shoulder, gently moving his thumb back and forth over his exposed back. 

“Hmmm,” Ethan hummed. “Hi.” 

“Hi.” Mark smiled down at him, smoothing Ethan’s hair back from his half lidded eyes. “How’re you feeling? You kinda passed out on us earlier.” 

Ethan stretched, sliding to sit up next to the other man. His bare chest felt the chill of the room as he moved from under the blanket, but leaning up against Mark’s body was like sitting against a furnace, his body heat quickly warmed Ethan again. 

“Yeah I’m good, I just get like that sometimes after sex. Not usually after sex like that, but I still should have warned you.” 

He leaned his head on Mark’s shoulder, letting his eyes slip closed as the older man reached behind him and pulled their bodies closer together, an arm around his waist. 

“What do you mean sex like that?” 

Oh shit, what did he say? He definitely enjoyed the sex they’d just had, and being with more than one person was a new thing for him, which probably explained why he dropped a bit, but that wasn’t the kind of sex he usually had. A few years ago he considered himself a switch, when he’d first gotten into the scene, but as time went on, especially after starting to date Mika, he realized he was more submissive than anything. He was still vers, but the act of sex became much more enjoyable, almost therapeutic, when he allowed himself to be a sub. Having his control taken over by both Mark and Amy also probably triggered that part of him to an extent, but it certainly wasn’t exactly the same. 

He could risk ruining this brand new relationship by telling Mark exactly what he was into, he already knew the other man was very vanilla in bed, except apparently when it comes to quantity of partners. 

“Hey, I don’t normally sleep with two extremely hot people at once.”

Okay, blatant lie, but he could handle keeping his preferences hidden for right now. 

“Yeah, neither do I.” 

Mark squeezed him a bit tighter, only letting go when Amy called them down to eat a short while later. They filmed another video after dinner, and if Ethan blushed more than usual no one said anything. 

“Hey Eth, you wanna take a walk with me?” Amy held out a sweatshirt, crooked smile lighting up her face. “Of course!” He took the hoodie from her, pulling it over his head. They walked through the cool night in comfortable silence. 

“I figured we could talk.” He waited for her to continue. When she made no move to do so he cleared his throat. “About anything specific?”

She laughed lightly under her breath. “About us, about how we want to go about making this work.” He nodded. “Maybe we could talk about how this could potentially affect us too? Like our working together and stuff?” His hands were starting to get cold, stuffed into the pocket of the hoodie. “Yeah definitely, we should talk about the potential for really good stuff and also bad stuff. If,” She paused, turning to look at him under the light of a streetlight. “All three of us have made a commitment to each other already, and if this doesn’t work out for some reason, we can’t just stop doing Unus Annus.” 

He nodded, looking down at her beautiful face. I mean, they’d already said they’d keep doing it if one of them dies so he didn’t see how that would be any different. “We would have to keep going.” She smiled at him, moving to continue walking. “I agree, it would be hard, but I wouldn’t want to stop.” 

“Okay,” He glanced at her. “So if a breakup is a worst case scenario, what’s a best case scenario?” 

“We do Unus Annus, we definitely keep doing more of what we did today,” She raised her eyebrows lightly. “All three of us are happy.” 

He looked around at the empty street, making sure they were alone before reaching for her hand. Their cold fingers intertwined, his black nails in stark contrast with the paleness of their skin. “I’m already happy, being with you, being with Mark, doing Unus Annus.” 

She smiled, breath coming out in puffs in the cold air. “Me too.” 

They looped back around to the house, having gotten too cold and too tired to keep walking. Mark looked at the two of them with pity, guiding them to the couch and piling blankets on top of them. 

“Markkk! Where did you even get all of these?” Ethan laughed, he’d started to sweat slightly beneath the pile him and Amy shared, and Mark had just walked into the room holding another thick quilt. 

“Well I don’t want you to catch a cold!” He threw the blanket over Ethan and Amy’s laughing faces, coming back to then in a few moments after banging around in the kitchen. 

He held two cups of hot chocolate in his hands, handing one to each of them. Ethan shrugged off most of the blankets, leaving just one on his lap as he wrapped his hands around the hot cup. “Thank you Mark.” Amy leaned forward to kiss him, leaning back into the couch to enjoy her hot beverage. Ethan yearned to do the same and it wasn’t until a moment later that he realized he could now. He practically leapt from his seat, putting the cup down to wrap his arms around Mark’s neck, dragging him down into a warm kiss. The other man tasted of sweet chocolate already, and though the kiss only last a few seconds It left both of them with huge grins etched into their faces. 

Ethan sat back down to drink his hot chocolate, leaning into Amy’s side. She draped an arm over his shoulder and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. 

Mark returned, setting his own cup down next to the couch, moving to sit down on Amy’s other side. He reached his mug across her to clink with both of them. Chica climbed up next to Ethan, pushing his legs up a bit to squeeze into the space between him and the couch. They all fit together so nicely. 

The movie on the tv droned on, but Ethan couldn’t focus, he kept looking at the two people to his left, Amy’s wide dark eyes trained at the screen, her eyelashes were so noticeable as she blinked, drawing his attention every few minutes. Then there was Mark, who was harder to see but still caught his eye whenever Amy leaned back further. The man looked deep in thought, empty mug still in hand. His other hand held Amy’s, thumb rubbing over the back of her knuckles. Ethan’s legs tangled with Amy’s when he moved to sit up more, the comfortable weight of her legs holding him in place. 

He couldn’t help but feel like this was how they were always meant to be, just one step closer than before. They always shared the couch, and most times he was touching one of them when they squished in, but this was different, this was ever so slightly different, the three of them breathing in unison. He closed his eyes, resting his head back against Amy’s shoulder. He was so happy. So happy with these people, in this moment, at this time in his life. He’d just broke up with Mika, it seemed like it was simultaneously yesterday, and years ago. It hadn’t been that long, and he knew he’d be dealing with that for a while still. But he wouldn’t have to be dealing with it alone. He has two of the most incredible people he’s ever met supporting him. He’s not alone, he thought. 

And god, he’s so fucking happy. Sitting there, thinking about everything, he couldn’t picture being happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, im not okay that Unus Annus is over. everyday i look for the notification at 3pm EST and when it doesnt come my heart sinks a little more. Don't get me wrong, i still love both Mark and Ethan's videos, but losing UA was like losing a part of me.


	10. Chapter 10

Unfortunately, that night he’d had to leave the warmth of Mark and Amy to head back to his apartment, he’d begun to run out of clean clothing, and while the idea of borrowing clothes was fine, the sentiment didn’t extend to underwear. So he dropped his bag into the backseat of Mark’s car, making sure Spencer was happy back there too before he climbed into the front. 

Mark drove slowly with one hand on the wheel and one wrapped around Ethan’s own fingers. When he parked they still held on, relishing the moment. “I should probably go in.” He smiled softly. Mark pulled their hands up, kissing the back of Ethan’s softly. He giggled at the action. “Dude you’re so cheesy.” “Shut up. I’m allowed.” He feigned being upset, but his large smile caused the corners of his eyes to crinkle up. 

“Goodnight Mark.” 

“Night Eth.” 

He watched Mark’s car pull away from the driveway, giving him a small wave. Spencer tugged at him to go inside. The exhausted puppy ran to his bed, and Ethan followed soon after, tugging off his clothes to sleep. 

He thought of the past few days, the wonderful moments he got to spend with two of his favorite people ever. In all honesty, it didn’t feel like enough, and curling up in his empty bed felt even emptier when he knew Mark and Amy were together without him. He felt confused, it was so natural to be with them but he couldn’t shake the anxiety of stepping into a relationship, they lived together, had been together for almost 5 years, had known each other past any awkwardness. And he was young, he would be a full seven years younger than Mark on his birthday, he would be two years younger than Amy then too. He felt like an outsider in more ways than just that, going from a fan of Mark to his friend left him with some concerns about taking advantage of the older man, he moved out to LA just because he’d asked, he worked his ass off to impress him, he just broke up with Mika like two fucking days ago, he was exhausted and upset and his thoughts were quickly spiraling away from him. 

He hugged his pillow, falling asleep as he tried to pinpoint why he suddenly felt so awful inside. 

He woke up early to shower, rushing through his morning routine to give him enough time to clean before Kathryn came home. Amy texted him, asking when he thought he’d be there, but he didn’t feel like he could respond. His head spun, he couldn’t even tell why, he just felt fucking upset about life, and love, and his own self. So he cleaned, frantically he flew around the apartment cleaning past the usual level of clutter. Kathryn would know something was off, but hopefully he could convince her it was just an apology for being mean to her. 

The kitchen sparkled, the floor in the downstairs bathroom was clean enough to eat off of, the living room hadn’t looked so good since they first moved in, and he still wasn’t done. He tore through his closet, tossing out things he still liked and wore just because they took up space, making his room an explosion of shirts and hoodies. Spencer whined at him, crawling out from beneath a sweater that had sailed off course. 

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry buddy.” He hadn’t taken him out since the morning, and a quick glance at his watch told him he’d been cleaning for hours. He dug his phone and wallet out from under another pile of clothes, grabbing Spencers leash off the hook on the wall. He walked for miles, letting the hyperactive puppy take him around the park loop more times than he could count. He barely heard the music streaming through his headphones. It wasn’t until Spencer flopped down on the grass, breathing heavily, that Ethan realized how long they’d been walking. Kathryn’s plane should be landing any minute. He started towards home, the exhausted dog making him have to pause every few minutes so that he could sit and pant. 

He stopped to pick up donuts and coffee for himself and Kathryn, He knew she would probably be hungry after the flight, and another sign of good will never hurt. 

The apartment looked a lot cleaner than he thought it would as he set the bag down on the counter. He felt a subtle pride rising in his stomach at how good he’d done, the sunshine streaming in the windows (windows he vaguely remembered scrubbing at) showed off the warm inviting house. The illusion shattered upon entering his bedroom however, it was covered in piles of clothing, and though he knew he’d had a system when he was working, he’d forgotten what that was. It seemed to be random to him now, his bed unmade beneath the mess. 

He just sighed and swung his door closed. All the energy to clean and organize was gone so he flopped on the couch, pulling out his phone to scroll through twitter and ignore Amy’s text that he still couldn’t think about without feeling like he was gonna vomit. The sound of Kathryn’s key turning the lock grabbed his attention, and at the sight of her face he leapt up from his seat and hugged her, smiling as she greeted him and hugged him back. 

“How was your trip??” 

“Good! I got to see some family I haven’t seen in a while and we all had a lot of fun. I am gonna miss them though.” 

Seeing her and talking with her about her family, hearing stories she had from her time with them, it calmed him down significantly, and by the time they’d finished their food and coffee he felt more like himself again. He hadn’t realized until just then how much he’d missed her. 

“So,” She locked eyes with him, a sad smile hinting at her lips. “How have you been?” 

He couldn’t look her in the eye when she asked. “I’m really sorry about calling you like that. I shouldn’t have.” She stood and grabbed her bag from beside the door, moving behind him to the stairs. As she passed him she rested her hand gently on his shoulder. “I appreciate the apology, I’m really sorry about Mika. I’m here if you want to talk!” She called the last bit over her shoulder as she left. 

He was glad she hadn’t pressed him for information, and hearing her acknowledge his apology eased his mind a bit on that front. 

His phone buzzed on the counter. The notification stirred up dread in the pit of his stomach. Amy’s name flashed on the screen beneath the time, four o’clock striking as he opened her messages. 

7:08am Hey Eth, what time do you think you’ll get here?

7:32am are you ok? 

12:03pm can you bring your ring light whenever you leave?

2:16pm you ok? Want anything from chipotle? If so lmk, I’m leaving in 5

2:31pm can you please call me when you get a chance

3:59pm gettin really behind on filming for today. You coming?

Oh shit, he hadn’t even noticed her texting him earlier. She sounded like she was pissed, and she had a right to be, he’d gone completely dark for the day, shirking off his responsibilities and probably worrying both Mark and Amy. 

Oh fuck I’m so sorry, Kathryn got home today and we were catching up. Lost track of time, I can be there in 20 minutes. 4:03pm

4:08pm k

Fuck, he didn’t want to go if they were gonna be angry, but he didn’t want to skip out on filming, Unus Annus wouldn’t last very long if he didn’t fucking show up. So he grabbed his phone and wallet, trusting Kathryn to walk Spencer, falling into his car with a sigh. 

Pulling up to the house felt foreign and nerve-racking, so unlike the warmth he’d left there last night. He sat in the car for a second, tear threatening to brim in his eyes. He fucked up everything somehow, why should Mark and Amy be any different than Mika? 

A knock on the window startled him, Mark stared at him for a moment, making a windows down motion when Ethan looked at him but didn’t move. “Hey, you coming inside?” Ethan nodded, unbuckling his seat belt and moving to get out of the car. He started to walk past Mark, but the older man blocked his path with a muscular arm across his chest. “Actually on second thought, let’s go for a walk.” 

They walked along the darkening streets in silence. Ethan felt like his heart was gonna fucking explode, lungs cramping with anxiety at the anger he could feel pouring off Mark. 

“Look at me for a minute.” Ethan stopped and looked at the older man’s face, they were standing in a relatively unlit area, and Mark’s face was quickly becoming swallowed with shadow. The other man opened his mouth to speak, but Ethan couldn’t take whatever he was gonna say, whatever anger Mark had would probably kill him. So he spoke instead, allowing his words to tumble out of him. “Look I’m really sorry ok! I just got fucking freaked out and I don’t know why but I didn’t mean to spend the whole day fucking cleaning and I just don’t know how to get you not to be mad at me and I’m fucking sorry that I fuck everything up Mark, I really don’t want to, but I do, all the time. And I know you’re mad and you should be but I don’t know how to make it better Mark.” The words poured out of him like blood from a wound, tears falling from his reddened face. 

Mark reached out and held his face, his expression barely visible in the darkness. “Oh Ethan,” He spoke softly, so softly that Ethan could barely hear it over the sound of his own pulse thumping through his ears. “I’m not fucking mad, I’m worried. And yeah, maybe I get mad when I’m worried, but I’m not mad at you, not like that.” He kissed him, his lips and hands heating up Ethan’s face. He could taste his own tears against Mark’s warm lips. “Ok, maybe I’m mad, maybe I’m mad that you didn’t show up to film and basically fucked the schedule over, and maybe I’m also mad that you dropped off the fucking grid. ” He chuckled lightly. “But even if I’m upset, or Amy’s upset, or you’re upset, that’s not the end Eth, that’s gonna happen sometimes, but we have a responsibility to talk about it, and work through it.” 

Ethan cried at that, and Mark wiped at his tears as they trickled down his face. 

“Can you tell me what happened?”

He shrugged in response. “I wish I knew. I just started thinking and cleaning and I lost track of time.” 

“Well, what where you thinking about?”

He didn’t want to answer that, but he didn’t see any way around it. So he moved to keep walking, knowing it would be easier if he didn’t have to look Mark in the eye. 

“I really love you and Amy, but I was thinking about how you and her have been together for so long and I’m kinda, an outsider.” 

Mark grabbed his hand. 

“Do you think we’d want you to be with us if we viewed you that way.” 

No, he didn’t, but he knew his fears stemmed from his own view of himself, how he felt, not from any indicator they had given him. 

“I just, I need to convince myself of that.”

Mark nodded, and they soon found themselves walking back up the path to the house. 

“Is Amy really mad.”

“Yeah, but you’ll be fine, I promise.” 

Amy was mad, but she hugged him fiercely and told him they would talk after filming. That filming took a long time, and wrapping up the third video’s raw footage marked the fifth straight hour they’d spent working. 

When they did talk, it turned out to be all three of them, and Mark and Amy expressed their grievances at him not showing up to film, not responding all day, and generally causing them a lot of irritation and worry. He cried a bit more, explaining what happened in a bit more detail. 

“Ethan, the next time something like that happens,” Amy leaned forward in her chair as she spoke. “You come here. I don’t care if you think we aren’t gonna want you to because that’s never true, I don’t care if you think we won’t be here, you have a key. If you feel like that EVER you come find us. If you can’t, we WILL come to you. You don’t have to go through a day feeling like shit when we could be there to help.”

Mark nodded his agreement. Ethan could barely stand it, he jumped up and hugged them both, feeling so lucky for having two incredible people in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, a guy who strongly relates to ethan,,,, writing him like he's me??? neverrrrr but also this is like and average day in my life except without the nice ending so yeahhhh, hope you enjoyed this look into my psyche :)


	11. Chapter 11

The days flew by in a strange haze. Filming and uploading a video every day made time go by simultaneously very fast and excruciatingly slow. 

But filming wasn’t the only thing that felt that way, adjusting to life being in a relationship with Mark and Amy took a lot of his time too, he’d spent a lot of time with them before, and now it felt like almost every waking moment was spent with them. 

He laid down in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He’d come home after two days at Mark and Amy’s, two days spent working and laughing and having some fantastic sex. But now he felt really weird, upset and lonely and just WEIRD. He usually loved time alone. 

He shifted, something deep inside him feeling very very off. He felt like crying or something, but he couldn’t pinpoint why.   
He debated texting Mark to see if he was awake, but he followed the results of that through, what would he say? What would he even want Mark to do? He could text Amy, but she usually went to bed earlier than Mark so it was even more unlikely that she would be up. Again, he thought about what he would even say to her. He pictured a frustrated conversation and still having to say goodnight. 

He tried his best to sleep, tossing and turning, frustration mounting as the night dragged on. By the time the sun crept up the wall he was on the verge of full on anger, stomping out of bed and down the stairs to the kitchen. 

The gentle smell of coffee filled the room. He tried to sort through his feelings, but every second that passed made him more agitated, less able to think through the fog. 

The only other time he’d felt like this had been after he’d broken off a casual relationship back in Maine, before he’d moved to LA. Actually that made sense, he’d just broken up with Mika, his Domme, and when he’d broken it off with his Dom before he’d slipped into this same depression. 

Fuck. 

He dragged a hand down his face and groaned. Something in him said it wasn’t a coincidence. It felt like loosing THAT person in his life messed with his head. 

And now he had Mark and Amy, two beautiful, sexy, attractive people who definitely were attracted to him. But they didn’t know about him being a submissive. They didn’t know how much he needed that part of himself taken care of, and apparently he didn’t know just how much either. 

He drank his coffee slowly, the warmth of the mug burning through his hands. If he couldn’t fix this by himself he would be seriously fucked. The oven clock read 7:03, meaning he’d gotten five hours of sleep. Fuck. Today was supposed to be a day where he filmed for his own channel, but with his brain all glazed over he wasn’t going to be very entertaining. He had to think of a solution, and soon. He was miserable, exhausted, and lonely, god so fucking lonely. 

On a whim he googled subspace, finding an interesting paragraph about the differences subs can experience. Apparently, that wonderful space feeling he felt during scenes was only part of it, and attraction to a Dom could also produce a sort of subspace. He kept reading, digging deeper into accounts of subs who experience irritation, intense emotions, something akin to sickness, when a Dom they’re attracted to doesn’t reciprocate. 

Could that be what was happening? His brain turned to Mark, something like arousal pooling in his stomach at the thought of the man. But it wasn’t strictly arousal, it felt like desire, want, NEED, a need to be close to him, to touch him, to be touched by him. He thought back to two nights ago, Marks warm hands roaming his torso, whispering in his ear, tugging lightly at his hair. He shivered at the memory. But it wasn’t enough. 

He threw his irritation out the door, pulling up Mark’s contact. He hit call. 

At the sound of the other mans voice he felt like melting, a surge of happiness rushing through him. 

“Hey Eth, what’s up?” 

“You never answer your phone.” He replied. He wasn’t quite sure why he said it, but it was true, Mark very rarely picked up before. 

“Well I always answer Amy, and I always answer you. Is everything ok?” 

Unexpectedly, tears formed in his eyes. 

He shook with emotion, wiping his face with his sleeve as his hands trembled. 

“Mark,” He sort of drawled his name. “That was so sweeeeet.”

“Do you need me to come over?” 

He thought about it, and while it would be so wonderful to see him, hug him, kiss him, talk to him, ughhhh. He had responsibilities, his channel would die if he didn’t film for it. 

“No I’m ok. Want to have dinner with me?” 

“Both of us or just me?” 

Somehow Mark knew there was a reason Ethan had called him, a reason that involved the two of them. 

“Maybe just us? I don’t know is that ok?” 

He heard Mark call through the phone to Amy, her response quick and short. 

“She said of course. Why wouldn’t it be? I have time alone with her when you’re not here, you and her have time together alone too.” 

His logic was sound, and so they agreed to meet for dinner at the cute little Indian food place Ethan liked. 

His day went smoother after that, filming was fun and lighthearted, getting some of his energy out felt wonderful when he walked with Spencer, and even better when he went to the gym. In fact, the thought of having dinner with Mark carried him all the way through the day until the other man came to pick him up. 

Sitting at a booth by the window, they talked about what they were going to eat, what their days were like, new ideas for Unus Annus. It made Ethan feel all warm inside. His chicken tikka masala was delicious, Mark was funny and charming as always, and the fuzzy feeling that had been clouding his brain slowly seeped away. 

Mark leaned forward, pushing his dish to the side. His dark eyes crinkled around the edges with his smile. 

“I’m glad we did this.” 

Ethan grinned at the other man. He convinced him to watch a movie, and before he knew it they were sat on his couch, Ethan tucked underneath Mark’s arm. Spencer nestled in the blankets beside them. 

Mark’s steady breathing made him sleepy, sitting still usually made him tired after a while, and the body heat radiating from the other man only added to the warm feeling seeping into his bones. He felt sleep tugging at his mind, the noise of the tv floating away from him. All he could feel was his steady heartbeat and Mark’s hand, resting on his arm. 

He woke up in his bed, still early in the evening. Alone. He sat up, resting his head on his knees. The emptiness in the apartment sank into his heart. Fuck. He heard the buzz of his phone on the nightstand, but he couldn’t bring himself to look, couldn’t bring himself to even lift his head, his throat constricted with emotions, breath quickening, a fuzzy feeling crowding his vision. 

Why the fuck couldn’t he just feel fine? 

He went to the bathroom, washing his face until his skin felt dry and raw. 

Heat poured off of him in waves. He filmed a bit, thankful for the distraction, but it still wasn’t enough to keep the creeping irritation out of his mind. 

The next day he avoided Mark and Amy as much as possible, filming for his channel and tossing casual excuses their way. He felt like he was fine unless he thought about them. He took Spencer to the park for hours, got coffee with Kathryn, filmed with friends, worked out until his lungs burned. 

He felt comfortable in the monotony, the routine of doing average things he enjoyed. But the next day he would be going to Mark and Amy’s to film, and they had planned for him to stay a couple nights. And that scared him, for some reason. He wanted to be near them so badly, the pure need searing a hole through him whenever he let himself think about it. And he didn’t always have control over when thoughts entered his mind. 

Before he knew it the sun was gone, and Amy was texting to ask if he wanted to come over that night instead of the next morning. 

He gave some half assed excuse. 

Sitting in his darkened room sucked, he was alone and normally that shouldn’t have been an issue, but he fucking missed Mark and Amy and Mika and that stupid guy from Maine, and the pretty girl he used to sneak glances at in math class because fuck math, and he just couldn’t miss all of them all at once, he couldn’t miss his lovers and his childhood friends and his brother and his parents and his grandma all at once. He didn’t have enough in his fucking heart to do it anymore, he couldn’t even fucking cry about it, falling asleep with bitter loneliness choking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im gonna be fucking honest, this whole story probably sucks. Im writing it sleep deprived and in pain and i may or may not be applying my own emotions to eef way more than i should be. anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter


	12. Chapter 12

“Ethan, are you with me?” Kathryn’s face peered at him from across the table. She had been talking about something, clearly it was important to her, but he couldn’t really remember what she was saying or when he zoned out. 

“Shit, I’m sorry. Can you start over?” 

He tried his best to listen, his leg bouncing, lightly knocking into the table. 

“So, that’s the rest of my day basically. What are your plans?”

His plans were to film with Mark and Amy, and stay for a few days, but he was procrastinating by having lunch with Kathryn. And he wasn’t even sure why. 

“Gonna go film with Mark later. We have today’s video but none after so we’re gonna try to get ahead a bit.”

“You gonna stay over again?” 

Her face was unreadable, the last time he’d stayed over he’d told her the excuse of it being late, two nights in a row. 

“Yeah actually I think I might stay a few nights, it’s easier to only wait on Evan, you know. Get an early start.”

She nodded, taking another bite of her pasta. 

“Are you gonna take Spence?”

He told her he probably was, the puppy always had so much fun with Chica and Henry. 

The waitress came by with the check, and Kathryn paid cash, standing to leave. They’d taken separate cars. As he got in his, the bag he’d packed stared at him from the passenger seat. He still had to pick up Spencer, but it was only noon. 

He texted Amy. 

Hey, wanna grab coffee? 12:09 pm

He waited for a response, the bubble indicating her typing staring him in the face. 

12:13 pm Sure, I can meet you halfway. 20 minutes?

He smiled, suggesting a spot equal distant between their houses. He drove back home to grab Spencer before heading out to the coffee shop. 

The day was cool and sunny, big puffy clouds crawling across the clear blue sky. As he drive through the hills, music pouring through the speakers, he sang along lightly, laughing as Spencers fur blew in the wind. He closed the window in the back for the puppy. 

The coffee shop was in a cute little plaza, pretty plants next to the outdoor tables caught both his attention and Spencer’s, little succulents and some kind of flowering bush lined the walkway. He ordered an iced coffee and a small yummy looking muffin. Amy pulled up a few minutes after his order came, she gave him a hug and ran inside to order as well, quickly returning with a smile on her face. Just the sight of her face made him relax, nerves slipping away into near nothingness. “Ethan it’s the middle of winter why are you drinking an iced coffee?” He laughed, his own hoodie looking thin compared to her thicker sweater. “Aw come on its like 70 degrees out!” 

Ethan felt himself smiling at everything Amy said and did, her sense of humor, her smile, her shimmering eyes. They talked for what felt like hours, but he couldn’t pull himself away, even though he knew that when they left they'd be going to the same place. 

“Can I say something that’s probably stupid?”

She nodded. “Of course.”

“I’m so happy right now. And, and I just really love you.” 

She grinned, laughter spilling from her. “That’s not stupid! That’s really, really sweet Ethan.” She reached to touch his arm. “I love you too.” 

He felt his face heat up. Not long after, they parted, splitting up in the parking lot with the unspoken promises of meeting at the house. It wasn’t a long drive, only 15 minutes or so, but as soon as he got in the car his phone rang.

Mika’s name flashed at the top of the screen, still followed by a yellow heart emoji. 

Shit, he only had a second to decide whether to answer or not. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey Eth! I wanted to call, see how you were doing. I,” She hesitated for a few moments. “I miss you.” 

Something in him broke. Tears streamed down his reddening face, a mixture of loss and intense relief flooded him. The loss made sense, but the relief of hearing her say she missed him overpowered it. He wasn’t alone. “God I fucking miss you. Can we,” He wiped the tears from his cheeks and sniffled. “Can we still be friends and shit?” 

She chuckled a little, sniffling herself. “Of course, god of course. I still think we made the right call,” That stung, but he agreed regardless. “but I really like you,” Her words grew quiet. “I don’t want to lose you.” 

They made plans to meet, maybe get lunch and catch a movie. 

“Thank you for calling.” 

He could hear her smile through the speakers. “Anytime.”

By the time they hung up he was grinning, cheeks puffy and blotchy, eyes glassed over. 

He drove slow to Mark and Amy’s, mind blanked out. He agreed they were better off as friends, especially considering the two incredible people he was driving to see, but something about knowing him and Mika were alright, that she still liked him. It made him giddy. 

He parked next to Amy’s car, grabbing his bag and letting Spencer out to meet Chica, who was already bounding quickly towards them. Well, quick for her. 

Amy called from the house to him. “You good?” 

“Oh yeah!” He gave her a hug, moving past her into the house. “Just had to take a call. Actually,” He turned towards her, barely containing the energy coursing through him. “I was wondering if we could all have a quick chat?” 

“Yeah, I think Mark should be done filming. Go check on him?”

He nodded, already heading for the stairs. 

The door to the filming room was cracked, he could hear Mark talking from the other side. Ethan slowly pushed the door open wider, looking in to see the other man standing at the computer, playing something that was clearly infuriating him. His back was such a beautiful shape, muscular arms flexing as he yelled incoherently. 

How the fuck did he manage before? Without touching or even hinting to Mark just how fucking gorgeous he was. 

He crept through the door, staying low, hoping to sneak up on the other man. It wasn’t very hard, Ethan wasn’t even sure his eyes were open. He wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist, grinning at the little yelp of surprise he gave. 

“Hey!” He turned around, Ethan’s arms still around his waist, until they were facing each other. He kissed him, Ethan’s arms moving to drape over Mark’s shoulders, staying in the comfortable embrace for as long as he could, only breaking the kiss to breath. “What are you doing sneaking up on me?” Mark’s voice had what could only be defined as a purr, quiet and rumbling through Ethan’s chest. He could feel the other man’s stubble brush the shell of his ear, sending chills down his spine. Everything about Mark gave him chills right now, he was so close, surrounding him with strong arms, pressing warm hands into his back, his teeth lightly scraping over his neck. 

He was melting. And totally forgetting why he came up here. 

“Uh,” His breathing quickened as a large hand squeezed his hip. “Markkk,” He pulled back to look the other man in the eyes. “Are you almost done? I want to have a quick chat, all three of us.” He tried to ignore the part of his brain that screamed at him to shut up and let Mark fuck him into oblivion. 

“Yeah, I’ll wrap up.” 

Ethan went in for another quick kiss, ducking away before Mark could hold on to him. 

“Five minutes!” He heard Mark call as he shut the door behind him. 

It was more like twenty, but he knew how Mark got when he was working, so he tried to content himself with petting the dogs and catching snippets of Amy’s conversation on the phone. Energy seemed to electrify every nerve in his body, and by the time Mark plodded down the stairs he felt like he was vibrating, launching from his seat on the floor. Mark kissed him, the sound of Amy wrapping up her call cutting through the blissful feeling. 

It wasn’t until they all sat down that he started to think about how to phrase what he wanted to say, and both sets of eyes staring at him didn’t help. 

“Uhh, I’m not sure how to start honestly.” He laughed a little. “I guess, well Mika called me today, and it got me thinking,” He saw Mark and Amy exchange a worried glance. “Oh fuck no that sounded wrong, I mean, talking with her got me thinking about us! And if we should tell people. Cause me and Mika are still gonna talk and stuff you know? And I think Kathryn is starting to get suspicious?” He finished talking, smiling nervously when neither of them said anything right away.

“That’s a really good question.” 

Amy sat forward. “I think the real question is when. We’re not gonna be able keep this a secret forever, but something we have to talk about is who to tell, when. And if the time to start is now, or not.” She propped up her head on her hands, elbows digging into the table. 

Mark nodded. “I honestly don’t know. I mean, on one hand it would be so nice to just be the three of us,” He sighed. “But I want to tell everyone all the time. I want everyone to know why I’m so happy.” 

Ethan felt a blush creeping up his face to Mark’s words, the sincerity undeniable. 

“If Kathryn is already close to finding out it would probably be better to tell her.” Amy sounded unsure, but the other woman was her best friend, Ethan figured she should know regardless.

“Can we all agree to tell her?” 

Mark lightly groaned. 

“You two know her better than I do, if we tell her will she keep it to herself?”

They nodded almost at the same time. Ethan knew she was a good friend to Amy first, and she was always great to him. Thinking about it, he couldn’t even remember a time she came close to gossiping about people they knew. 

“Alright, I trust you both.” He reached for the center of the table. “All in favor of telling Kathryn?” 

Ethan giggled at the gesture, but he placed his hand on top of Mark’s anyway. Amy’s quickly joined. 

They agreed to have her over for dinner, Amy briefly paused the discussion to ask her if she was free. When they regrouped Mark suggested they tell Evan, seeing as he was going to be filming with them a lot throughout the year, they both agreed easily, trying to get him to come over on the same night as Kathryn. Two birds, one stone. 

“So,” Ethan paused, “Can I tell Mika?”

Marks brow furrowed. Amy spoke first however. “If you feel like it’s important that you tell her, then I think you should.” 

Mark remained quiet, it freaked Ethan out, what if he didn’t want him and Mika to be friends? He’d been so happy to hear her voice today, he didn’t think he could stand to lose her permanently. 

“I,” He started, stopping when Mark opened his mouth to speak. 

“You just broke up. Do you think she’d be upset?” 

Oh fuck, he hadn’t even thought about that, or even considered that as a reason to not tell her. But he couldn’t picture her being anything besides happy for him. But then again, he hadn’t pictured a lot of what happened. 

“I don’t know honestly. But I do think it would be worse if I told her later. I’d have to tell her when this started and then she’d know I’d hidden it from her.” His brain told him not to hide things from her, she still held a place of authority in his life, whether she wanted to or not.   
“It’s up to you ultimately. I trust your judgement, and if you need to tell her, I think you should.”

A weight lifted from his shoulders at hearing him say that. Whatever power Mika held before was slowly transferring to Mark, he wanted so badly for his approval. 

“I think I should. But I won’t unless you both agree.” 

Amy put her hand in the center this time, smiling at him. His joined hers, and Mark’s followed, enveloping both of their hands in warmth. 

“Ok, it’s settled, next Friday we tell Kathryn and Evan, and Ethan tells Mika whenever he gets a chance.” Amy stood, kissing both men on the head as she left the room. 

“Love you!” She called behind her. 

And for the second time that day Ethan melted, grabbing Mark’s hands and holding them in his own. 

Mark moved to hold his face, the touch sending ripples of warmth through Ethan’s body, as though his whole world was narrowed to the feeling of those hands holding him, tethering him to the spot. 

He couldn’t wait to film, to just be around the two people he craved time with most right now, to spend long days working and nights in their arms. To be able to touch both of them, to feel the sparks Mark gave him, the comfort in Amy’s embrace. He couldn’t wait to be happy for every moment he spent with them. 

He couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today was not as shit as it could have been. my one friend i get to spend time with is like the coolest dude i know and we got to eat good food and hang out. anyway this chapter kinda just,,, flowed? it came pretty easy and i hope you like it. ;)


	13. Chapter 13

Amy kissed him softly as he gripped her hips. Soft skin beneath his finger tips. Ethan wrapped his arms around her waist, flipping them quickly so he was above her. Both sets of hands tangled in the others hair, pulling lightly as they resumed their kiss. His hand drifted lower, rubbing over her clit, slowly at first, speeding up a little as she moaned into his mouth. He didn’t remember when they’d lost their clothes. 

“You know where the condoms are.” She sounded breathless when they parted. He looked at her, eyes wide and pupils blown. Guess that was his cue to hurry up. He rummaged around for a second coming back with the condom and lube. Popping open the cap, he squeezed a generous amount into his hand, kissing her again as he gently slid a finger into her. She moaned, encouraging him to insert another as soon as he could, crooking the digits until she keened. Her back arched off the bed, hands grabbing at his shoulders. “Oh god!” 

He smirked into her mouth, trying for a third finger as she groaned. Pulling his fingers out, he unwrapped the condom, sliding it onto himself and giving his dick a few tugs, adding more lube in the process. He paused. “You good?” She nodded, smiling. “Yeah I’m good.” He grinned, resuming the kiss as he guided himself into her. 

Neither of them lasted long after, he rubbed circles over her clit as he fucked her, and when she came the tightening of her inner walls threw him over the edge too. 

His head felt fuzzy, but he got up anyway to throw out the condom anyway, grabbing a washcloth and leaving one for her in the bathroom. She passed him in the hallway, still nude, pale skin blotched red. He gave her a kiss. “I’m gonna shower.” She gave him one last kiss, smiling back at him as she closed the bathroom door behind her. 

As soon as she was out of sight he felt like he was gonna fall asleep standing there. Past his post orgasm haze he felt unfulfilled. And that felt like fucking shit. He knew it was probably just being tired or something, but he almost felt like blaming Amy for his sudden grumpiness. 

He laid down on the bed, it was dark outside, sleep tugging at his mind, but he knew Mark would be back any second with dinner. The older man had left him and Amy alone together with a wink, saying that he’d be going to the pizza place, the one they all liked, the one that just so happens to be an hour away roundtrip. 

They kissed for what felt like forever, and even through his haze he knew one thing. He would rather be kissing her right now, he would rather not have had sex at all, he longed for the contact, the LOVE. And now he knew she was probably happy, but he felt kinda like crap, and the longer he was alone the worse it got. He even managed to convince himself that Mark wasn’t coming back, and even though he knew that didn’t make any sense the thought still brought tears to his eyes. He curled up tighter, trying not to make any noise in case anyone was listening. 

He got cold lying naked on top of the bedding, but he couldn’t find the energy to pull the covers over himself. It felt like hours passed, tears trickling over the bridge of his nose, he stifled small, hiccuping noises as best he could. 

The door creaked open, light from the hallway pouring in. 

“Ethan? Pizza’s here.” 

He couldn’t move, he wanted Amy to enter, to smooth his hair back and kiss him and tell him everything would be ok, but she turned and closed the door behind her before he could respond. 

She didn’t even fucking care. 

He cried more, no longer having any tears, dry sobs wracking his body, constricting his ribs painfully. He was so alone, so fucking alone. Alone in someone else’s bed, crying for no fucking reason. Why was this happening to him? 

He knew he could get up, dress himself, walk out the door and downstairs, and probably be met with love and attention. 

But he couldn’t move. 

Like all his limbs were frozen to the spot, a bitter grief filling his chest. Why the fuck couldn’t he just get up. Why was no one coming to get him? Why did no one fucking care?

Why why why.

The darkness once again was cut with light, pouring in from the opened door. 

“You ok?” 

Mark’s voice made him sob again, he tried to catch the pained noise before it escaped his throat but it still came out, a high pitched whine. 

Mark moved closer, shutting the door behind him. Ethan could feel the bed dip where the other man sat, a warm hand coming to rest on his bare back. 

“God you’re fucking cold.” He felt the comforter being pulled over him. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Mark gently rubbed circles over the top of the duvet. 

“What happened?” 

His voice was deep and quiet, full of what sounded like concern. Ethan desperately wanted to hug him, to crawl into him arms and never leave, but he still couldn’t fucking move, barely managing to talk. 

“Hold me” 

His voice cracked, coming out far quieter than he intended, but to his relief Mark lifted the covers and crawled in behind him, Ethan turned to face him, burying his face in the older man’s chest. 

The contact felt fucking fantastic. It did feel weird to be completely naked, pressed against Mark’s fully clothed body, but he couldn’t even care. He reveled in Mark’s steady breathing against his forehead, the other man’s warmth seeping into every one of his joints. 

“I’m sorry Mark I don’t know what happened”

He finally spoke, his voice still thick with tears despite him having stopped crying a while before. 

Mark wrapped his arms tighter around him, pulling him flush against his chest. 

“You ready to get up?” 

He wasn’t really, he wanted to stay there forever, but he was getting pretty hungry and he didn’t want the situation to turn awkward. 

“Sure.” 

“Stay here for a second.”

Mark kissed the top of his head, getting up and moving around the room in the dark. When he returned he pushed a bundle into Ethan’s hands. “I’ll meet you downstairs.” 

It took several moments after Mark left the room for Ethan to move, unwrapping the clothes that the other man handed him and slipping Mark’s hoodie over his head. It was a little too big, but not uncomfortably so. He stood, tugging on sweatpants over his bare legs. It took him several more moments to walk to the door, hearing Mark and Amy laugh at something downstairs made his heart ache. For some reason. 

“Just open the fucking door Ethan.” He whispered to himself, hand wrapping around the door handle. Every movement past the doorway was difficult, every step down the stairs burned, especially once he walked far enough down to make eye contact with Mark and Amy. 

“You ok?” Amy’s eyebrows furrowed, her gaze was almost too much for him to handle. He stared at his feet, perched on the staircase. 

“I’m really sorry Amy.” 

“Hey, you’re fine. There’s some pizza in the oven for you.” She smiled at him, and slowly he descended the rest of the staircase, winding behind them to grab a plate. 

Mark and Amy resumed their conversation behind him. He pulled the pizza from the warm oven, slightly burning his fingertips transferring the slices to the plate. The sudden discomfort made a wave of irritation swell up inside of him. An uncomfortable heavy anger that settled into his lungs. He turned on his heel to face Amy. 

“Why didn’t you come in.”

She paused, turning to face him. “What do you mean?” 

She seemed genuinely confused, but his blood was already boiling painfully. He felt his nostrils flare. 

“You ignored me. I was laying on the bed fucking sobbing and you just fucking walked away!” He gestured, arms jerking upwards. 

“Oh Ethan!” She walked closer to him, reaching to rest her hands on his forearms. “I’m so sorry, I thought you were just taking a nap.” 

He knew he should forgive her, hug her and eat his pizza and not have both sets of eyes boring into his head anymore. But he just couldn’t. He was already too angry and sad to let it go. 

He jerked out of her grasp, stomping over to the front door, grabbing his bag on the way. He vaguely heard Mark and Amy call after him, felt his bare feet making contact with the cold pavement. He felt Mark grab onto his arm, saying something he couldn’t hear. “Get your fucking hand off me Mark.” He couldn’t remember Mark’s reaction, only that he managed to get in his car and drive off, angry tears clouding his vision. 

What the fuck just happened?

He held the home button on his phone until it activated, holding it up to his face to talk. 

“Hey Siri, call Mika.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ok so we just fully inserting my irl experiences into this thing huh
> 
> my dudes im so fucking tired ive had a migraine for days and my stupid stomach has been killing me all day


	14. Chapter 14

“Hey, what’s up?”

He couldn’t even talk, hearing her voice was absolutely overwhelming. He just drove. 

“Ethan?” She paused for a second, he sniffled loudly into the silence. 

“What happened?” 

Ethan couldn’t fucking take it anymore, he just sobbed, ugly and loud into the speaker. She didn’t speak until he’d calmed, taking short breaths. 

“I think I fucked up really really bad.” 

“Where are you?”

“Am driving away from Mark and Amy’s, I don’t know, I think I took a wrong turn I don’t know where the fuck I am.”

“Stop the car Ethan. Park at the nearest store you see and text me the address.”

“Ok.”

He sounded numb even to himself, pulling into a nearby parking lot and sending her his location. At least she’d come help. At least he wouldn’t be alone. 

“I’m gonna hang up now, is that ok?”   
She had on her soothing voice, coating her stupid, terrible, awful words in honey. Of course he didn’t want to be left alone again, didn’t want the silence surrounding him to invade his mind. But he never could say no when she was being to kind. 

“Ok”

She promised him everything would be ok, assuring him he wouldn’t be alone for long before hanging up. 

He drew his knees up to his chest, adjusting his seat all the way back to accommodate. Watching cars pass on the road in front of him, headlights burning holes in his head, he felt so fucking alone. All these people probably saw him freaking out and all he could do was bury his head on his knees and cry. 

It felt like an eternity before he heard a car door slam shut next to him, followed by a gentle knocking on his window. 

He looked up, blinking tears from his hazy eyes, wiping his nose on his borrowed sweatshirt. 

Mark’s face stared at him from outside the car door. 

“Can you open the door for me Ethan?”

He could barely get his limbs to move, partly from anxiety and partly from surprise. He unbuckled his seat belt and tumbled out of the car, Mark catching him as he almost fell. 

“You ok?” 

He nodded against Mark’s shoulder. 

“Good.” Mark held him at arms length, eyes narrowed. “What the fuck was that?” 

“I-I,” He was shaking, not from the cold that burned at his feet, but rather from the intensity and anger Mark was clearly feel. “I can’t, I don’t know how to explain.”

“But you know that was a fucking shitty thing to do right? God,” Mark moved away from him, pacing short circles in the parking lot. 

“You’re so fucking difficult sometimes.” 

Ethan didn’t even notice he was falling until his knees stung, hands crossed over himself, digging into his own forearms. He shook, sobbing in a crumpled ball, and as much as he wanted someone to hold him, he felt no such comfort. When he managed to lift his head and look at the other man through puffy, tear filled eyes, Mark was standing with his arms crossed, several feet away. 

“Mika had to call me. She told me where to find you. Do you know how FUCKING SHITTY IT IS TO KNOW YOU WENT TO HER AND NOT US?!” He yelled. Ethan felt like his heart was breaking, splintering into a billion unfixable pieces. 

“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?!” 

Ethan couldn’t take Mark’s screaming. He wailed, clutching tighter at himself. 

“I can’t f-fucking help it” His voice cracked, more tears tracing his reddened cheeks. “I can’t, I didn’t want to t-tell you.”

Mark stepped closer, crouching down in front of him, grabbing his chin with a large hand. 

“You better tell me now.”

“I’m sorry!” He could barely take the eye contact, voice warbling, thick with tears. “I, I didn’t mean to drop I swear.” His voice got quiet, it was a miracle Mark heard him at all. 

A strange look crossed Mark’s face, his hand softening its hold on Ethan’s chin. 

“What do you mean “drop” Ethan?”

Ethan let his head fall forward to rest against Mark’s chest, relishing the contact despite the other mans outburst. Sighing heavy, he tried to explain, stumbling over his words and seemingly contradicting himself. 

“Hold on.” Mark pulled back gently. “Let’s get in the car so you don’t fucking freeze out here.”

They climbed in, at Ethan’s shy request they both sat in the back, Ethan pressing his body as close to Mark as he could get. 

“Can you start over?”

“I guess, I, I don’t know, I’ve been into, you know, for a while, and I, I think I’m having sub drop? I’m not, I don’t know, it’s happened before I guess, before Mika, cause she, you know,” He wasn’t quite sure why he felt so uncomfortable talking to Mark about this, considering they’d had sex multiple times already, and he never felt so uncomfortable talking to him before. 

“She was your Domme?”

He felt his cheeks flush at Mark’s words, but he nodded anyway. 

“And, and not that she’s gone I don’t know how to handle this on my own.”

“You’re not alone.” 

Ethan craned his neck to look at Mark. “That’s what you keep forgetting Ethan, you’re not alone, you have us. To care about you, to work through stuff with you, for you to rely on. And, we have you. At least we would, if you wouldn’t fucking run away any time you think somethings wrong.”

“You’re still mad.”

“Fuck yeah I’m still mad. It’s not the end of the world though Eth. I’ll keep telling you that until you believe it.”

They stayed like that for a while longer, half laying down in the back of Mark’s car, Mark’s hand playing with Ethan’s hair. 

“Why didn’t Amy come with you?” 

“Are you kidding me? You freaked out on her, we weren’t sure if you’d want her to come.”

“Oh fuck Mark! I didn’t mean to, I swear, I would never,” He sighed, curling up more. “God I’m such an idiot.”

Mark’s hands tugged at a few strands of hair, harder than Ethan was expecting. 

“Ow what the fuck?”

“You’re not gonna get out of facing us just because you’re wallowing. Everyone fucks up sometimes Eth. The only way this is gonna work is if all three of us are willing to work through shit like this.” He resumed running gentle hands over Ethan’s scalp. “You’re not the only person in the whole world who fucks up. God knows me and Amy don’t always do the right thing.”

Ethan moved to look Mark in the eye. 

“Can you drive?” He thought about it for a moment. God he didn’t want to leave Mark’s side right now. “If we talk on the way back?”

They parted ways, Mark’s voice still coming over the speakers as Ethan followed him. “How did you even get here?” Ethan half chuckled. “I don’t fucking know man.” 

It wasn’t long before they parked in the driveway, Mark opened Ethan’s door before he got a chance. 

“Come on, you can’t stay here all night.” 

Amy sat on the couch with her back to them when they walked in. Ethan looked around, instantly spotting the pizza slices and broken porcelain littering the kitchen floor. He hadn’t even remembered dropping it. Fuck. 

Mark moved into the living room without him, he grabbed the broom and swept away the shards, getting a paper towel to clean the sauce up. He felt the urge to clean the whole house until it sparkled, but he shoved it down as best he could. He had to apologize. 

He stood sheepishly by the counter, Amy’s eyes turned to look at him. 

“I’m so so sorry Amy.”

She motioned for him to come closer until he stood right in front of her. “Mark says you have a pretty good explanation. And I’m sure you do. But before you tell me all about what fucking possessed you, I want to accept your apology. And offer one of my own.” He stunned a little at that, swaying lightly on his feet. 

“I should have checked on you. And no, that doesn’t excuse that shit you pulled earlier. But I can see how it could seem like I ignored you, and I want you to know I would never intentionally do that.”

She gave a short nod. 

“Alright, your turn.”

He sat where he could see them both on the couch, trying not to feel like a disobedient child. 

“Um, ok, I don’t really know where to start. Do you know what sub drop is?”

To his surprise she nodded. 

“I don’t know a lot.” She said in response to the shocked looks from both men. “But I know that it can really mess with your head.”

“Well, I’m a sub. And, Mika leaving fucked with my head I guess. I thought I could handle it but,”

“Clearly you can’t.”

“Right.” 

“So what can we do?” 

Fuck, that was the question he wasn’t ready to answer. 

“I, I guess do research?”

Mark leaned forward. “I’d rather have YOU tell us what YOU’RE feeling, not some random person on the internet.” Amy nodded her agreement. 

“Well, I- I don’t really know. All of the significant relationships I’ve had have involved that dynamic, and elements of BDSM. But I’ve never been the one introducing it to someone else! I don’t know where to start.” 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed.” Amy’s voice was kind. “Even though we may not have personal experience, I certainly would be willing to learn. Mark?”

The older man huffed, crossing his arms. “I don’t honestly know. I want to help, but I’ve never even thought about getting into sh- stuff like that. I want to hear what you have to say.”

Ethan nodded, a pit of sadness threatening to swallow him whole at Mark’s confession. 

“What do you want to know?”

Amy spoke first. “What is it that drew you to BDSM in the first place?”

“I guess, I don’t really know? I guess I was always pretty kinky, and then I, you know, porn. But I did research and it seemed like something I’d be interested in. So when I met this guy who was a Dom, it seemed like a perfect opportunity.” He shrugged. “And Mika being a Domme was just luck really, we hadn’t really talked about it before we started dating.”

“Not what I asked.”

He felt himself blush. “Uhh I guess a couple things? I like, um,” God why was this so hard. “You know, restraints and spanking and stuff? And it feels really good to be like, I don’t know taken care of I guess.” Fuck at least he said it. 

Amy nodded, a smile lighting up her face. 

“I’m proud of you for telling us.” 

As soon as the word proud escaped her mouth he got overwhelmed again, fighting what little tears he had left. 

“How about we talk about this tomorrow?” Mark stood, kissing Amy and walking towards the chair Ethan sat in. He grasped his chin again, tilting his head up to kiss him. When they broke the kiss Mark’s mouth lingered by his ear. 

“Don’t ever fucking do that again or I swear you’ll regret it.” 

The tone sent chills down Ethan’s spine, the moment passing as Mark climbed the stairs behind him. 

“I’m really sorry about earlier.”

“I appreciate that, but I already accepted your apology.” Amy grabbed his hand and moved them to the stairs. “Now let’s get some sleep, ok?” She kissed him, and a certain ache in his heart melted. He climbed into the bed between them. 

With Mark's arm draped over him and Amys legs intertwined with his, he wasn't looking forward to tomorrow, but god, it felt fucking good to be here right now, with them. And maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be as bad as he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy me??? posting two days in a row???? what the fuuuuckk???
> 
> Im an Unus, if it wasnt fucking clear lmao. 
> 
> Who are u?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey im back! sorry for the long wait, i honestly have been going through it :) the guy i really really liked got married to someone else and that sucks a lot. anyway, getting back into the story has been fun! sorry for the kinda technical stuff rn, i feel like its really important for their relationship to talk through this stuff

They filmed for Unus Annus, only stopping for a brief lunch. The anticipation of the conversation they would surely have that night carried Ethan through the day, nervous, excited energy tingling beneath his skin. Never mind having Evan around, they still were planning on having him and Kathryn over for dinner to tell them, but that wasn’t for another few days, and having to censor his affections towards Mark and Amy took a lot of his attention. He knew it was hard on Mark too, the other man’s hands seemed to linger anytime they touched, his gaze lasted a little too long, and every time Ethan laughed he noticed Mark’s eyes watching him, and not the camera. Fuck this was gonna be hard to edit, but hopefully they could trust Lixian to do them right. 

At least they were normally pretty touchy anyway. Or at least Ethan was and Mark pretended not to be, but even his usual “don’t touch me” attitude seemed to be misplaced as they were filming. The older man made points of adjusting a stray hair for Ethan, removing a piece of lint from his chest, brushing light fingertips over his forearm. 

It was killing Ethan. Everything they did Evan was watching, but Mark almost seemed like this was a fun game for him, tormenting him like that. 

Well two can play that game. 

They were doing a staring contest for the video, and the other mans intense concentration presented the perfect opportunity. Ethan placed his hand on Mark’s knee under the table, about thirty seconds in, slowly sliding his hand higher every few seconds. 

By the time he reached his upper thigh he’d had to lean forward to conceal his movements, and the determined, partly amused and partly annoyed look in Mark’s eyes only spurred him on. 

He felt a smirk cross his features, but he didn’t notice Mark’s hand moving until a strong hand grabbed his wrist. Mark quirked an eyebrow up on the off camera side, gripping his wrist a little too tightly. It didn’t hurt per se, but he definitely couldn’t get his arm out of the grip without moving too much. 

So he waited, hearing only the sounds of their breathing and the light whir of the lights and cameras off to his side. Mark’s thumb moved over his pulse point, back and forth, the light touch sending sparks down Ethan’s spine. 

He finally blinked, barely hearing Amy call the time and Mark’s gloating response. He was swimming in his head, coming back to reality minute by minute once Mark let go of his arm. 

Cracking a joke, he attempted to wade through the sudden ocean swirling through his brain. Time moved exhaustingly slow as he waited for a good time to excuse himself, practically running for the bathroom when the moment arrived. The floor was cool beneath his feet, hard and steady and unmovable as he slid down the wall to sit, he was firmly convinced that it was the only thing keeping him from coming completely untethered. 

Anxiety moved him from his spot too soon for his liking, compelling him to splash cold water on his tired, over heated face, and reenter his place downstairs as forcefully as he had exited. Fuck, how he could go from confident and flirtatious to a mess in just one moment. 

He sank into the seat, assuming his on-camera persona better this time, it allowed his racing thoughts to be muffled behind his focus for the work he loved. 

Without thinking the day flew by without much more incident, and as Evan’s car backed out of the driveway a great weight lifted from Ethan’s shoulders. That is, until another great weight in the shape of Mark’s hand firmly replaced it. 

“You ready to talk now?”

Ethan turned and stammered, preparing a hundred half assed excuses for why he couldn’t have the conversation that he’d practically asked to have. 

But Mark just smiled. 

“How about we eat first, that sound good?”

Ethan nodded, returning the smile. In that moment it felt like Mark was a giant compared to him, as though the inch the older man had on him was in fact a mile, that he could be swallowed whole by Mark’s arms alone, lost in his embrace forever. But when he rested his head comfortably on Mark’s shoulder, hugging him for just a second, the gap closed, the mile shrunk, they stood on equal ground, and he was happy in his arms nonetheless. 

“Yeah,” He pulled back, a flutter of happiness coursing through him when Mark held onto his hand. “I’d like that.” 

Dinner passed easily. None of them brought up the impending topic, and the comfortable conversation lulled Ethan into believing that they didn’t have to talk at all tonight. 

“Hey Amy can you help me with something really quick?” Mark moved from his seat towards the office, waiting for her to join him. Ethan watched them leave the room, anxiety spiking rapidly at the thought of what they could possibly be doing. Maybe they were talking about him, maybe they wanted to break up? Maybe they got him a gift! That’s unlikely, but the thought crossed his mind nonetheless. When they returned Amy sat next to him on the couch where she had been before, putting her feet up on his lap in a silent request for a massage. 

The full anxiety of the day weighed on him, but even through his exhaustion he could admit that he did genuinely want to talk to them. 

“Alright, are we gonna do this or not?”

Mark sat on the ottoman in front of Ethan, folding his arms lightly over his chest. 

Fuck, his heart beat in small, rapid, uneven flutters, his whole body heating up at the prospect of talking about something so intimate in utter seriousness. Ordinarily, when faced with an upcoming difficult conversation, his mind wouldn’t stop running over every possibility, every word he would say, everything that could be said to him. But every time he tried to think about this, his mind went blank, forcing him away from the rising anxiety the thoughts produced. 

Minutes passed as he stared at Mark, picking up on every pore and piece of stubble gracing his handsome face. He still hadn’t responded to the mans question. 

Amy cleared her throat, moving her legs off of Ethan’s lap so she could better face the both of them. “Well, I’m ready.”

Shit, it was now or never. 

“O-okay, can we maybe just,” Ethan ran his hands through his hair. “Can we be chill about this?”

“What do you mean?” Mark asked, pulling his seat further to the side, forming a triangle between them. 

“I,” He took a deep breath in, letting it out when he felt Amy’s hand rub gently on his back. “I really want to talk about this, and I’m not nervous because of anything you guys have done, but I am really fucking nervous, I swear it’s not you, I just maybe need to be chill about this?”

Mark sighed, and Ethan immediately interpreted it as irritation. 

“That was the plan, I may not know a lot about this, but I want to learn and that’s why we’re talking. You’re not in trouble, you know that right?”

Well he did now. And Mark’s gentle tone soothed over his aching bones. He wasn’t mad. 

“So,” Amy removed her hand finally, but her posture didn’t seize, she remained relaxed into the couch. “I did a little research, in addition to what I already knew. I was thinking that maybe we should start off basic and you can help fill in the details. Since I know more than Mark,” She gestured loosely to them both, “But you know more than both of us from actual experience.” 

“Does that work for both of you?”

Mark nodded in response to her question. Ethan turned to her, watching her lips curve upwards every so slightly. She’s so thoughtful. 

“Yeah, that’s perfect.”

“Wonderful!” She shifted, one leg tucking underneath her, an arm bracing herself on the back of the couch. “So, a good place to start would be, in my opinion, would you consider yourself 100% Submissive?”

That was a good place, and even though it took him a second to figure out his answer, it was a fairly easy question. 

“I think I fall into Switch territory, but I enjoy Subbing more.”

She smiled and continued. “Would you prefer to Sub most of the time with us?”

He nodded, and even as a light flush crept its way up his neck, he didn’t feel embarrassed like he thought he would. 

“That sounds good. From the research I did I think I’m a Switch who prefers to Dom, but that could change once I actually have some hands on experience.” She turned to look at Mark, Ethan’s gaze following close behind. 

Mark had so far remained silent, until both sets of eyes rested on him. “What?”

Ethan stifled a laugh as they watched Mark go from stoic to confused. 

“We would love to know how you feel.” Amy smiled at him, glancing at Ethan from the corner of her eye. 

“Well, I don’t really know, um, I don’t know what those terms mean exactly.” 

“Mark! That’s BDSM 101!” Ethan teased him, enjoying the newfound ease within him. 

“I know a little!” Mark’s argument didn’t hold up however, because after some very light questioning it became clear that his knowledge was limited and inaccurate at best.  
They spent about thirty minutes teaching Mark the difference between Doms, Subs, and Switches, and another twenty explaining the difference between those terms and Top, Bottom, and Vers. Finally Amy closed the laptop they were huddled around. Ethan turned, grabbing Mark’s shoulders. “Do you think you’ve got it?” He grinned. Mark leaned forward, matching his expression. 

“I don’t know, maybe you’re going to have to show me.” They both laughed, closing the gap to kiss, Mark’s lips smiling against his, stubble scratching at his chin lightly. 

“Guys, as much as I’d love to watch you make out, can we move on?” Amy teased. 

They finally made it past the crash course, deciding to call Mark a Dom and adjust that later if necessary. Ethan got the feeling that Mark would only settle further into the role, and if he was reading Amy’s body language correctly, she agreed with him. 

“Alright, what’s next?”

Ethan smiled as Mark spoke, seeing the older man finally appear interested and excited. 

“Well, we should probably cover if we prefer 24/7 or scenes only. If I’m being honest, I’d prefer to stick to the scenes, I just don’t think I’d like it. How do you guys feel?” 

“I don’t know what those mean.” 

Mark’s confusion was kind of adorable, and Ethan leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek. 

“24/7 means that we don’t come out of our roles or break from protocol that we use in scenes, I haven’t done that with anyone for more than a few days because I hated it and I didn’t even live with them, so I don’t think I want that. Not that we’d do that right away anyway.” 

Mark’s eyes appeared glazed over for a second after Ethan finished explaining. 

“I’m good to not do that. At least not for a long time.”

Ethan let out a sigh in relief, happy that all of them could agree on that. He’d genuinely hated those few days when he’d tried 24/7 before. The Dom he was working with was great in so many other ways, but the suffocating feeling of check ins and rules and being stuck halfway in subspace for days made him irritated and unhappy. It wasn’t for him, and he was so glad Mark and Amy didn’t want to try. 

“Can we start to cover boundaries? I found a list, I know it’s not complete but we could go through it to start.”

Once again, Amy’s preparedness and consideration made Ethan melt, she took the pressure off of him to explain himself, she did her own research but still differed to his knowledge, and she teamed up with him when Mark was clueless. 

God he loved her. 

They started the process of going through the list, and because Ethan was the only one who could provide answers for the “experience” category, they mostly focused on willingness. 

They reached the end of the “c” column when Mark called for a break, and when he came back from grabbing some snacks they just talked, forgoing finishing the mildly embarrassing list for another night. 

“So what I’m getting,” Mark grabbed a veggie straw from the bowl on the coffee table. “Is that trust is the most important thing right? I mean I’m open to the uhh,” He glanced at the list. “Cuffing with leather? And all the other shit we talked about, it just seems like everyone needs a lot of trust to do ANY of it.” 

Ethan nodded, trying to put aside the heat that had been slowly pooling in his stomach. Not only was going through the list arousing, but somehow Mark and Amy’s kind consideration was adding to it. It served as a reminder that he wasn’t just attracted physically to them, but that the way they treated him, the chemistry they have together was just as attractive, if not more. 

They agreed to talk again in the morning, the early morning hour coercing them to the comfort of sleep. 

Ethan curled up against Mark’s right, he reached over him to grab Amy’s hand, and they stayed that way until she moved away in her sleep. 

He basked in the cuddles, for once drifting off without a million thoughts racing through his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, i already knew a lot about bdsm, and in writing ive been doing research to try to be as accurate as possible, but im not saying anything from experience so if ive gotten anything wring correct me in the comments and ill try to fix it. i already corrected the vers/switch mistake from a previous chapter, but im still not sure ive got it the right way round. thats on not actually knowing anyone in the scene and being asexual :)


End file.
